O Jingle Ball Tree, O Jingle Ball Tree, how cheesy are your branches…
Jingle balls ring, are you listenin’…
…in the lane, flour’s glistenin’…
…a beautiful sight, we’re drinking tonight,
we’re Jingle Balls Hashing once again!
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! The 20th annual Blooming Fools Jingle Balls Hash will take place on Saturday, December 3, in beautiful and scenic Bloomington, Indiana! Have you been good this year? We don’t care, you’ll still get a present from us!
[We interrupt this long-azz post with the details for those with short attention spans:
Jingle Balls Hash Trail: 2:00pm, Saturday, December 3
Start: Somewhere on Earth (do you think we’ve gotten as far as planning a trail?!)
Cost for trail alone if you don’t go to the party: The regular $7 (still cheep!).
Fa la la la la laaaa, what’s in that cup?
Jingle Balls Ball: 7:00pm, Saturday, December 3
Place: The Lodge, 101 E. 6th St. in Bloomington.
Cost for trail and party:
$25 through November 19.
$30 from Nov. 20 to Nov. 28.
$35 after November 28.
Party alone is $20 through November 19, $25 from Nov. 20 to Nov. 28, and $30 after November 28. Sign up at the bottom of this post. Bring salad and or dessert for pitch-in if you’re good at making salads or desserts. On on.]
An excited crowd awaits their Jingle Ball gifts!
Huh, could it be that some of you are not acquainted with the story of the Jingle Balls Hash? Well, pull up an ice block and lend an ear!
The Jingle Balls Hash is one of the biggest and most festive hashes of the already big Blooming Fools year. It includes an especially bigly festive hash trail at 2:00pm, which may be longer and shittier than usual, unless it’s frickin’ freezing rain outside, in which case it will at least be shittier than usual.
After the trail, hashers get cleaned up and put on their best holiday style (ugly sweater? Black tie? Formal gown? Red and white thong? You pick!) for the Jingle Balls Ball, which will be held this year at 7:00pm at The Lodge downtown (enter through the door on 6th Street). The Jingle Balls Ball will include dinner, beer, dancing, holiday merriment, cool swag to covet for the rest of your life, more beer, scenic Downtown Bloomington atmosphere, more beer, and the venerable Jingle Ball Hash White Elephant Gift Exchange!
For dinner, we’ll have carnivorous and vegetarian and hopefully vegan main courses, and we’re asking for pitch-in on salads and desserts. Are you a master baker? Can you make an amazing gingerbread, or blancmange, or almond layer cake, or 7-layer salad, or 7-Up salad, or…? Please bring it and let us feast in your culinary munificence!
Also, don’t forget the White Elephant Gift Exchange! Bring a wrapped gift for a hasher, take home a hash gift! We suggest spending around $10 on the gift, but that’s just a suggestion – you can spend more or less, just be creative! What would you like to unwrap in front of everybody at the hash? Bring it on!
Because we’re the Blooming Fools, we like to provide a fabulous party with good beer and food for cheap, so we’re sticking with the same prices we’ve had since at least 2013 (cheep!). But because the trail can technically be separate from the party, and because it helps us if wankers pay for the Jingle Balls Ball sooner rather than later, there are several payment options. So pay attention.
Dining, dancing, and whatever these people are doing
Lump of Coal option: If you’re just going to the trail, you’ll pay the regular $7. We’ll miss you at the party, though.
Early-Bird K-Mart Shoppers: If you want to do the trail and party, you can save by registering and paying before November 19 at 11:59pm. It’ll be a low low $25 for the whole shebang: trail, party, dinner, swag, beer, beer, beer.
Harried parent pricing: If you want to do the trail and party but you don’t get your money in early, you’ll still only pay $30 for trail and party between November 20 and November 28.
(No reason to put this here, except I love this picture!)
Last-minute shopping frenzy: If you can’t make up your mind till the last minute, it’ll cost you $35 for trail and party after November 28. It’s still a deal, really, because that’s a whole day of adventure (i.e., drinking) and dinner for only $35. Try sitting in a bar and drinking beer all day and evening, and see how much it costs you. (As if you haven’t done that before…)
Clark Griswold pricing: If you can’t make the trail but want to make it to the party with us, take $5 off the above prices: $20 through November 19, $25 from November 20 through November 28, $30 after that.
You have to register for Jingle Balls if you want to get the swag, though, so sign up via the PayPal button below, or get your cash to a BFH3 Mismanager today. Don’t wait! At prices this low, we may run out of swag and beer. Wait, no, we’ll never run out of beer.
Hey, where IS the hashit…? Will it make an appearance at Jingle Balls?
Want to know more about the Jingle Balls Ball? Just talk to anyone who’s been to one before. It’s like being in a holiday wonderland, with lights, elves, cheer, occasional nudity, beer, and little talking animals and toys (if you drink enough beer). Don’t miss it, or you’ll be sober and hash gift-less and you’ll miss a whole lot of merriment. Be merry with us!
God bless beer, everyone. On on!
