As the hash gathered for the Hotter’n’Hell Hash on June 27, Blooming Fool old-timer Hot’n’Juicy was out in California somewhere, some eight-odd hours into the Western States 100-Mile Race. Last we heard, he’d been running for five hours and had covered 29 miles. Only 71 more to go.
Not that we gave a crap. The Hotter’n’Hell Hash started in the parking lot of historic Mt. Ebal Church, just north of the historic Fairfax State Recreation Area, and just south of historic Smithville. It took a while for the pack to gather—Nasdiq arrived before the pack got on trail, no less—but a good crowd it was: Son of Gucci, Just Jen, first-timer Just Jennifer (or it might have been Just Jennifer and first-timer Just Jen—I forget), Upright Position, Just Jaime, Ewe Tube, White Lightning, Garden o'Beatin’, Maliblow Classic, and Siouxsie Bi-Stroke-Her. The hare, Titwad, had indeed named the hash appropriately—it was hot—but a breeze kept the start relatively bearable while we drank beneath historic Mt. Ebal Church’s historic parking lot tree.
Finally, after much rambling and a nonsensical chalk talk, the pack was off with the hare’s blessing. Probably not with the blessing of the church, though, as we all followed Maliblow east into the graveyard, tromping across the final resting places of more than a few former Monroe Countians before circling around to a false trail mark. Trail actually went south from the start though a small thicket onto Fairfax Road, where it went west for a short distance before turning north again into a thicker thicket, then back onto historic Mt. Ebal road and back to the church again. (Yes, we spent about 15 minutes within a stone’s throw of the start, while the hare sat finishing his beer.)
Frankly, I forget most of the trail from this point—it’s all a haze of ravines, nettles, thorns, and poison ivy. We ran east, across Fairfax Road, and then I think we basically headed south toward the lake—probably within a hundred feet of the nice paved road the whole time, though we were mostly crawling through shiggy instead. There was a backcheck I fell for at the bottom of a long hill, and we ran through someone’s backyard, and we went through a lot of woods before finally finding the hare at the far, far end of the Fairfax Beach parking lot (or some big-azz parking lot with a beach). We did lose a couple of hashers along the way—namely Siouxsie Bi-Stroke-Her, who’s Scandinavian(:)), and Son of Gucci, who was just Gucci’ing somewhere off trail as usual.
Fortunately, Garden o’Beatin had inflated the hashit’s beach ball along the way, so as he approached the beer check he was in no danger of drowning in the nearby lake. While we were at the beer check, we pondered for a moment: Somewhere, Hot’n’Juicy was still running.
We drank and caroused for a bit before setting off west where we hobnobbed with the guests of the Fourwinds Hotel (I think that’s what it was—I never know where I’m hashing, I just follow the flour). Many of us followed Nas north from the Fourwinds, but after some pack dithering Just Jaime found trail leading onto the piers outside the marina building, where the (rare for Indiana) on-water trail went a hundred yards or so before heading back on land. I totally forget where it went from there. There were parking lots, and some boats… I dunno. Eventually, though, the second beer check (woo!) was just around the corner from a boat ramp, and featured a swimming hole for our aquapedlian pleasure. Unfortunately, the number of male hashers willing to hop in and get their t-shirts wet vastly outnumbered the number of female hashers willing to get their t-shirts wet (isn’t that how it always is?), but the water was far too warm to spur any nippleage anyway, so I really don’t know why I’m beleaguering the point, but suffice to say it was a good time.
Meanwhile, somewhere Hot’n’Juicy was still running.
Once we all got out and fairly dried off, trail started again heading north through some bushes and parking lots and boat graveyards and a collapsed Ewe Tube until it ended at one of the first parking lots inside Fairfax Rec Area. We hoofed or rode back to historic Mt. Ebal Church where we had circle and generally brought ignominy upon the sacred church’s historic parking lot. Son of Gucci somehow showed up at the end of the trail, having missed both beer checks but having scored a very nice geode. It was good that he reappeared, though, because he was the hash’s only anniversary (he’s come 195 times!). We did have some returners (Upright, Nas, Just Jen, and apparently Titwad), and a virgin (Just Jennifer), who got a bilingual down-down explanation in both Southern Hoosier (Upright Position) and Mongolian (Ewe Tube). Then Gucci got the hashit back from Garden o’Beatin again (it could just be a hashit tradeoff between those two for the foreseeable future). Point of interest: The historic Smithville town drunk dropped in on our circle, and insisted on sharing his whiskey with us-—not once, not twice, but at least three times around the circle. He was a generous guy, you have to give him that.
After the usual arguments over on-after options, we retired to the Scenic View Restaurant, where John Mellencamp apparently left as we came in. And if he hadn’t left then, he would’ve after we were compelled to recite the “head” chant for some good old boys at a nearby table about 10 times. And the hash went in peace.
And somewhere, Hot’n’Juicy was still running.
on on
WL
Addendum: Hot’n’Juicy earned his belt buckle by finishing the Western States 100-Mile Race in 23:39:10, 67th place out of 238 finishers. He’ll no doubt be signing autographs and posing for pictures when he hares the next Blooming Fools trail on July 11 – details to come!
Don’t forget the Blooming Fools Analversary, August 8-9 in beautiful Gnawbone, Indiana. Details also to come – on ON!
