Joint Masters: White Lightning and Psychedelic CumFountain
The joint masters are the presidents, the emperors, the dictators, the grand poo-bahs of the Blooming Fools. They keep the trains running on time, making sure there are hares for each regularly scheduled hash, making sure trails go off around when they’re supposed to, and, most importantly of all, making sure there’s beer and other beverages for every hash. (Priorities!) Usually, we’ve operated with two joint masters, so that at least one joint master makes it to most hashes.
BeerMeisters: Scissor Fister, Hentai Me Up, and All Cuntry for Old Men
The Beermeisters make sure there’s beer, non-alcoholic beverages including water, snacks, girly drinks, and a small supply of reusable cups for virgins and lame-o’s at every hash. Be nice to the Beermeisters, they have a holy vocation for the hash.
Religious Advisor: Sidewalk Cock
The R.A. is kind of a hash helper, of sorts. They participate in all mismanagement activities, and at circle, they anoint the virgins, lead songs, and sometimes lead circle if the joint masters can’t or decide not to.
On Sec: Rest In Penis
The On Sec is the manager of the hash list, updating it before every hash and making sure everyone who attends hashes signs in (including virgins). They make sure every hasher who signs in pays in full, which is easier said than done, especially at the bigger hashes.
Haberdasher: Peg the Patriarchy
The hash haberdasher works with the Joint Masters to decide and design what goodies the hash is going to get, either for the three big hashes or just for kicks. The Haberdasher also brings the old haberdashery stuff to hashes, and urges virgins and drunk veteran hashers to buy it. And the Hash Haberdasher helps with the three big annual hashes.
Hare Raiser: JMs
The Hare Raiser is responsible for educating new, old, and upcoming hares about how best to hare, including marking techniques and finding suitable trail locations. They help to ensure logistics run smoothly between hares and Mismanagement, so hash event descriptions are published well in advance and Beermeister can accommodate the lay of the trail. And if all else fails, they hare the trail themselves.
Red Hot Chili Pecker
Porn On the Cob
Lick Herp Package
(…and I’m sure there are many others we’re forgetting…we’ve lost a lot of brain cells over the years, y’know…)