5/1 What’sup Let’s Bash Today Bash

What'sup Let's Bash Today BashWhat’sup wanks?

Cum get down with the Chronic and Pitts this Sunday for the dopest trail imaginable! (It’s seriously gonna be soooo dope.)

Trail will be appropriate for all bike types and levels of skill, so break out that single speed or cruiser and get ready to tool around town.

When: 3:00, May 1
Where: Boner’s Lot <map>
Who: Bared by Gin & Chronic and Pitts
Cost: $6 for all you dope bashers, free for virgins

And here’s another dope pic of Shaq and The Dream riding with some Taco Bell for your viewing pleasure: http://i.imgur.com/qW8CBgw.jpg

GENERAL THINGS TO KNOW:
– As responsible cyclists, we follow traffic laws (stop at signs/lights, signal turns, etc.)
– Use of a helmet is strongly encouraged (not required)
– Be courteous to those around you (including people in cars!)
– Have fun!

LEGAL STUFF: Disclaimer and release – Please Read
By participating in any activities with Bloomington Bash, you acknowledge, appreciate, and agree that:

1. The risk of injury from cycling–especially while drinking–is significant, and while particular skills, equipment, and personal discipline may reduce this risk, the risk of serious and potentially fatal injury does exist; and

2. I KNOWINGLY AND FREELY ASSUME ALL SUCH RISKS, both known and unknown, EVEN IF ARISING FROM THE NEGLIGENCE BY YOURSELF or others, and assume full responsibility for my participation; and

3. I willingly agree to comply with the stated and customary terms and conditions for participation. If, however, I observe any unusual significant hazard during my presence or participation, I will remove myself from participation and bring such to the attention of other cyclists immediately; and

4. I, for myself and on behalf of my heirs, assigns, personal representatives and next of kin, HEREBY RELEASE, INDEMNIFY, AND HOLD HARMLESS the Bloomington Bash, their officers, officials, agents and/or employees, other participants, sponsoring agencies, sponsors, advertisers, and, if applicable, owners and lessors of premises used for the activity, WITH RESPECT TO ANY AND ALL INJURY, DISABILITY, DEATH, or loss or damage to person or property associated with my presence or participation, WHETHER ARISING FROM THE NEGLIGENCE BY MYSELF OR OTHERS, to the fullest extent of permitted by law.

I HAVE READ THIS RELEASE OF LIABILITY AND ASSUMPTION OF RISK AGREEMENT, I FULLY UNDERSTAND ITS TERMS, I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE GIVEN UP SUBSTANTIAL RIGHTS BY JOINING IN BASHES, AND I AGREE WITH IT FREELY AND VOLUNTARILY WITHOUT ANY INDUCEMENT.

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4/22 Fool Moon Hash of the Virgins!

Total Eclipse of the HashTwo virgin hares, LickHerp Package and Hentai Me Up, are fated to pop their cherries this Friday night under the light of the full moon. Neither thought their first time would be with another virgin. They had both watched others do it and it didn’t look that hard (that’s what she said!) To prepare, they read up on the significance of proper (pre)lubrication. They sought guidance from those well-practiced in the art of a good lay, who then shared words of wisdom, such as the importance of leaving a trail of flours to the sweet spot. The most reassuring tip (no, not that one!) of all was that since it’s going to be getting dark and the moon is the best of all mood lighting, the whole thing can be quick and messy, and no one will be disappointed. These virgins may have needed a map and a flashlight and all four hands, but eventually they figured out where all the erogenous zones should be, and now all of you will benefit from their careful study.

Cum to the parking lot west of the Marriott Courtyard (south of the High Speed Tire & Automotive) at 7:00 PM this Friday night. If you’re not a virgin anymore, that’s ok, but you have to pay the price! ($7) Bring a virgin with you and they get laid for free along with all the other virgins, and though you won’t need a map, bring a flashlight, just in case it gets dark and you need to get a closer look at something (like flour… or something). This trail is not necessarily suitable for your four-legged friends. So, if you bring ’em, make sure to bring protection (a leash!).

When: Friday, April 22 at 7 PM
Where: Large Parking Lot West of the Marriott Courtyard and South of High Speed Tires and Automotive
How much: $7, free for first-timers

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Captain Planet Earth Day Celebration Hash

Captain Planet Earth Day Celebration HashIn celebration of Earth Day weekend, cum run through the shiggy with our favorite early 90’s cartoon caricature of all things green.

$0 for first timers, and $7 for the rest of you wanks.

When: Saturday, April 23 at 4 PM
Where: Bryant Shelter Morgan-Monroe State Forest

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Lil’ (500) Red (Head) Riding The Library Hood Book Bash

Lil' (500) Red (Head) Riding The Library Hood Book BashOnce upon a time (as it is said),
There were 2 lil’ riders with hair of red.
They found that on a weekend day,
They still had more time to play

Please follow along with this short tale,
As there is info about the trail.

So Sunday at the hour of three;
They’ll gather wankers merrily!

9th street park is the sight of fun,
But bring your bike because we don’t run.

After red dressed days of debauchery,
The wanks still drink but not for free–

Six dollars is the going rate,
But those pure of heart need only bring fate (i.e., virgins are free).

Big bloodshot eyes can give us looks,
But this trail is really about free books

Books: what’s that you hear with your ear?
Are we going to read while we sip beer?

Why yes, our trek has more purpose
To find things beyond the surface!

Libraries scattered throughout our town will be the focus of this round

To take or give, it doesn’t matter,
But we’d like your help with the latter.

Donate stories in which you can sink your teeth
Because sharing knowledge is what we’ll bequeath!

Wear your capes of scarlet red
If you’d wish to cover your head (wsh?)

(Prose translation:
Start at 3 East parking lot of 9th street park. $6 for veterans; free for virgins. Bring books to donate to the mini free libraries if you like! Also, use your red dress as a cape if you attended red dress r*n … Encouraged but not required)
Details to follow

When: Sunday, 4/17 at 3pm
Where: Rev. Ernest D. Butler Park (aka 9th St Park), east lot
How much: $6, virgins are free

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Beerfestivus for the rest of us! Hash

Beerfestivus for the rest of us!NOTE: This is the first 2016 hash to move to our summer start time of 4:00 PM!

For the wanks who don’t want to rub elbows with hundreds of people to drink beer from small plastic vessels, we bring you the Beerfest-ivus for the rest of us! Admission is cheap, only $7 experienced festival goers (instead of $40), $0 first timers. You will have beer from many (at least two) breweries, the lines will be short (but the trails may be long), the snacks will be orange, parking will be free, and the woods will be our playground!

Location: Yellowwood State Forest – Jackson Creek Trailhead parking lot
GPS Coordinates: 39.192573, -86.345702
Time: 4:00 pm

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Wizest Wasted Wizard Bash

Wizest Wasted Wizard BashRumor has it that a variety of bad beers are plotting to take over Bloomington and the surrounding area–their goal? Utter destruction of anything delicious and drinkable!

Your two wisest (and potentially wasted) wizards, Lick Herp Package and Eight Balls of Fire, request your presence at precisely 3pm this Sunday at Boner’s Lot to combat this travesty!

Alas, we have grown old and fragile–for being a wise and wasted wizard can take a toll on one’s health (believe it or not!). Therefore we will require your assistance in protecting the fine beer of Bloomington from dark forces unknown!

But fear not would be wise/wasted wizards, for we will provide thee with powerful spells to assist you in your quest! And if all goes well, these horrid, nefarious beers will be scattered to the far recesses of the podunk towns surrounding Bloomington for them to drink instead of us! (Because bad beer always finds it’s way back…)

And maybe, just maybe, one of you, and only one, will earn the esteemed title of the Wizest Wasted Wizard. Bragging rights abound!

Intrigued? You should be. Cause this is effing Lick Herp Package’s 10th bash he’s bared/helped bare so expect something crazy!

Admission will be $6. Virgins are free. Duh.

When: Sunday, 4/3 at 3pm
Where: Boner’s Lot <map>

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Easter Kegg Hash & KegHunt

Easter Kegg Hash & KegHuntIt’s time for EASTER KEGG! A mini-event hosted by BFH3 MisManagement. Where will it be? What will it be like? Well, you’ll just have to cum and find out.

Esteemed BFH3 JM Kinsey and veteran hare Titwad are laying us a trail most mysterious… all we know is that we need to arrive on time, because the start location is so awesome we can’t even park there. Meet up in the parking lot behind Oolitic Town Hall at 109 Main Street in Oolitic IN, promptly at 3:00 PM, and wankers will be bussed from there to the start location until 3:15 PM. Why all the mystery? Well, even PH doesn’t know that, but knowing these hares there is a dang good reason to keep you in suspense! Just make sure you get yourself there by 3:00, and since Oolitic is a 25 minute drive from the south side of Bloomington, any wankers who want to carpool are encouraged to meet up at Lucky’s on South Walnut by 2:15, and on-out by 2:30.

If that isn’t enough to entice you, we’re also having our sorta-annual BFH3 Easter Kegg Hunt! This year your JM PH is feeling nostalgic for BFH3 traditions of yore, so this year we’re reviving the classic easter kegg hunt tradition of NOT hunting for eggs with candy and other such innocent nonsense. That’s right wankers, bring your easter baskets because we’re HUNTING FOR BEERS! After the hash is over we’ll turn you wanks loose on a space in which we’ve cleverly and not-so-cleverly hidden a whole bunch of BEERS!

Any beers you find, you can take home or swap with other wankers, and there will be one extra-special beer that will earn you bragging rights AND a free fridge-sized keg for your guzzling pleasure! AND… it won’t cost you one dime extra! Cum one cum all for one of the funnest old-school mini-events of the year!

NOTE: Last bus to start location leaves at 3:15 pm – WE MEAN IT! If you miss the bus you will not be able to find the start point and you will miss the hash and the Kegg Hunt.

$7 Experienced Hashers, free for first-timers.

When: Saturday, March 26 at 3 PM
Where: Parking lot behind Oolitic Town Hall,109 Main St, Oolitic, IN 47451

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Full Worm Moon Hash

Full Worm Moon HashFeeling adventurous? Son of Gucci and The Love Butt are haring a Full Worm Moon Picture Hash. Yup, you read that right. Bring flashlights just in case, but make sure to throw your caution to to the wind.

This is happening Wednesday, March 23rd, starting at 7pm, from the IU Research and Teaching Preserve parking lot on North Headley Rd.

To get to the start, take Fee Lane north across the bypass, like you’re going to Lake Griffy, but turn left into the parking lot once you’ve gone 0.8 miles on Headley Road.

Carpooling recommended, as the parking lot is pretty tiny. The Griffy boat dock lot further down the road would be a good place to carpool from.

The trail will cost a mere $7 if you’ve hashed before, or it’s free if you’ve never done a BFH3 hash trail in your life.)

Cum -celebrate the Full Worm Moon,
Raise rhyta and let our foot falls
Awaken worms to the sounds of Spring
and hashers harrying hares.
Brygos cup int drunk
Bring virgins that we may anoint their feet.

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Fuck Winter Bash

Fuck Winter bashIt’s that jerk Winter’s last day to have legitimate hold on all you crank wankers. So cum and ride with us to give him a proper fuck off and welcome in a kinder, warmer spring. None or very little shiggy on this one so bring the road bikes and leave the snow tires at home. In honor of the stupidity of daylight savings time we have screwed with you a bit more and are starting at 3 instead of 2 so be warned. And feel free to bring some virgins.

Bares: M1A-Hole and Nuns Shall Pass
When: Sunday, Mar 20 at 3pm
Where: North Lot of Bryan Park, 999 S. Stull Ave
How much: $6, free for virgins

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Shots N Shamrocks Hash

Shots N Shamrocks HashCum out for the Shots N Shamrocks Hash, Saturday March 12th. Bring out your “green” gear and hope the luck o’ the Irish be with ya on trail.

More information cumming soon.

Hares: Circuscision & The Vagazzler
When: Saturday, 3/12 at 3pm
Where: Griffy Lake parking lot <map>
How much: $7 Experienced Hashers, free for first-timers.

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