Ham the Chimp Hash

January 31st, 1961: Ham the Chimp (aka Ham the Astrochimp) became the first Hominidae launched into space. Ham’s name is an acronym for the lab which prepared him for his historic mission — the Holloman Aerospace Medical Center, located at Holloman Air Force Base in New Mexico.

10858629_10206025578345077_3887684982264569904_n Join your hares Circuscision and Nuns Shall Pass for a celebration of this historic event. We’ll have chimp-appropriate snacks at beer check and the usual monkey business. Monkey shoes are appropriate.

$6 for experienced chimps, virgin chimps are free (limit 1 per customer).

Trail starts at the Twin Lakes parking lot on 2nd Street near the ball fields at 3:00pm on Saturday, January 31.

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Robbie Burns Bash

10838210_10152654077043450_3101692689452920055_o“Freedom and Whisky gang thegither,
Tak oft yer dram!
Down yer heavy, straddle yer bike,
Lest we a’ ur damned!”
– Robert Fucking Burns, aka The Bard

Cum out to celebrate Robbie Burns Day (Scootlund’s second National Day) this January 25 at 2:00pm with a festive fair trail through Bloomington’s many fine lochs — Nessie sightings ur a wee possibility!

We’ll meet in the parking lot between the Bloomington Convention Center and High Speed Tire & Automotive (the parking lot cheekied up against the B-Line, 319 S Madison St.).

Event will include a rolling supper. Na, ya didnae read that wrong! Cum have a cup of cock-a-leekie soup (yes, I promise it is real…and that no cocks were hurt in its making), a bit o‘ the haggis, shortbread, some fine ales and perhaps even a shot or two of scotch.

Bares: Mothershucker, Gaelick Pasties ‘n’ F. Lotts Pittsgerald, wi’ a wee bit o’ hulp fae Biblio.

First time lasses and lads dram ‘n’ ride for free.
Kilters wae hae awready promised loyalty tae William Wallace pay $6 (a wee cost fur freedom).

Trail wull be friendly to all bike types, levels o’ fitness and skill. Ye wull ainlie need a girth o’ enthusiasm ‘n’ a stoatin thirst.

Appropriate dress (kilt and sporran, or at least some plaid and tweed) strongly encouraged, but not required. Painting one’s face Braveheart style also encouraged, but still not required.

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The Big Thaw Hash

10914903_10153108973698706_7880897423667182516_o40F? Clear skies? Shiggy trail? Starts almost from your backyard? Beer?

You better come out and thaw your frozen buns.

Bring your $6, virgins are free. (I think that came out wrong)

Start time:
3:00pm, 1/17/2015, Saturday.

IU Cyclotron Parking lot.
2425 N Milo B Sampson Ln, Bloomington, IN 47408


Your hares will be EweTube and Upright Position (I think)

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Knob Knob Knob Hash

dorset-knob_1886792iNothing but knobs on this hash. Well, and some shiggy. Plenty of shiggy, actually. You want shiggy? There’ll be shiggy. And knobs. You want knobs? Lost your knobs? How many knobs you need? We got knobs. Knobs knobs knobs. Who said knob? Your hares will be Mothershucker, Bibliosex, and White Lightning. Oh, and there’ll be beer, too. And snackish items. Next to the knobs. And the shiggy. And beautiful Southern Indiana winter terrain. Knob on!

If you have hashed before, you’re probably a knob, so it’ll cost you $6. If you’re new to hashing, it’s free.

The knobtacular trail starts at the TC Steele State Historic Site this Saturday, January 3, at 3:00pm. Take Third Street east from town, it’ll turn into State Road 46. From the intersection with State Road 446, go 7.5 miles, and turn right onto TC Steele Road. (Look for the sign on the right.) Take TC Steele Road about 1.5 miles, and look for the parking lot just past the main TC Steele house/museum place. Park. Hash.

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Santa’s Been a Bad Bad Boy Hash

imageThursday Dec 25, 3pm

Griffy Lake Boathouse

It’s a hash. With beer. And trail. And beer. $6 for hasher’s. Free for virgins.

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The I’m Not Dead Yet Hash


Your hares BUTRz, Screw It I’m Wet, and Psychadelic Cum Fountain are here to remind you that “We’re Not Dead Yet”. Jack be damned! We’re here to invite you to a barely live hare hash starting in _Park Ridge Park_ (not to be confused with Park Ridge East Park — look at the address). We’re here to remind you that even though it’s winter, Nature isn’t quite dead yet either, but hopefully by 12/20 Bloomington will be!

<Insert more funny hash event information here>

As always, Virgins are free, alive or dead. Everyone else is $6.

Where: Park Ridge Park, 3421 E Longwood Ave., Bloomington
When: 3:00 pm, Saturday, December 20

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The Day After Pearl Harbor Bash

“We have nothing to beer but beer itself.”

1003720_159896877533263_567494525_nJoin the bashers for a festive holiday trail around…wait, no, the theme is “The Day After Pearl Harbor Bash.” Um…commemorate the 73rd anniversary of December 8, 1941, with a festive holiday trail around…no, wait.

Oh well: Expect the usual bash trail goofiness because your bare is Mothershucker, and it’ll cost you $6, unless you’re a newbie, then it’s free!

Start: Underneath the big table sculpture on the B-Line. (The sculpture is called “Bloomington Banquet,” btw.)

Trail is road bike, Buttcheek, and beginner friendly. (Bring a bicycle, helmet, lights, and as much reflective gear as you can possibly muster.)

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BFH3 Jingle Balls Hash

Primeval hasher George Bailey: [on Mary being caught naked in the bushes after her robe slips off] This is a very interesting situation!
Mary: Please give me my robe.
George Bailey: A man doesn’t get in a situation like this every day.
Mary: I’d like to have my robe.
George Bailey: Not in Bedford Falls anyway.
Mary: [after the bushes’ thorns starting hurting her] Ouch! Oh!DSCN3919
George Bailey: Gezundheit.
Mary: George Bailey!
George Bailey: Inspires a little thought!
Mary: Give me my robe.
George Bailey: I’ve read about things like this.
Mary: Shame on you! I’m going to tell your mother on you.
George Bailey: Well, my mother is way up on the corner.
Mary: I’ll call the police!
George Bailey: Well, they’re all the way downtown. They’d be on my side.
Mary: Then I’ll scream!
George Bailey: Maybe I can sell tickets.

On December 6, 1853, Bing Crosby wrote “Twas the Night Before Jingle Balls” for Coca-Cola, and the modern holiday season was born. To mark the occasion, we’ll be reveling and wassailing our (jingle) balls off at the 18th annual Blooming Fools Jingle Balls Hash, starting (trail) at 2pm and starting (party) at 7pm on Saturday, December 6, 2014.

Charlie Brown: Look, let’s rehearse the scene at the inn. Frieda…
Frieda: I can’t go on, there’s too much shiggy. It’s taking the curl out of my naturally curly hair.MCBC_Freida_PigPen
Charlie Brown
: Don’t think of it as shiggy. Think of it as maybe the soil of some great past civilization. Maybe the shiggy of ancient Babylon. It staggers the imagination. He may be carrying flour that was followed by Solomon, or even Nebuchudnezzar.
Pig-Pen: Sort of makes you want to treat me with more respect, doesn’t it?

 Frieda: You’re an absolute mess. Just look at yourself.
Pig-Pen: [looks at himself in Frieda’s mirror and smiles] On the contrary, I didn’t think I looked THAT good.

What? You’ve never been to a Blooming Fools Jingle Balls before? Well, pull up a snowball and we’ll tell you all about it. The festivities start at 2pm, with a reindeer games trail hared by Psychedelic “Shermy” Cumfountain and Untouched “Schroeder” Private Panther. Then, after a super-festive circle, we’ll reconvene at Mama Said Pop You Out’s place for the Jingle Balls Ball, a formal hash occasion featuring food, music, fabulous commemorative goodies, beverages (of course), and the legendary Blooming Fools White Elephant Gift Exchange. Bring a hash gift, take a hash gift! We recommend that if you buy something new, you spend around $10 – but be creative! And remember, it’s for a hasher, so think about what hashers like!

2096_4George Bailey: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.
Mary: I’ll take it. Then what?
George Bailey: Well, then you can swallow it, and it’ll all dissolve, see… and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair… am I drinking too much?

How much will all this cost me, you ask?
From 12:00am, Sunday, November 30 through 11:59pm, Friday, December 5:
The whole shebang (trail and party): $30.
Just the Jingle Balls Ball (party): $25 (including goodie, if you act now).
Just trail, it’s the regular $6, but no goodies for you! Except maybe a rock.

On the day of Jingle Balls, Saturday, December 6:
The whole shebang (trail and party): $35.
Just the Jingle Balls Ball (party): $30 (including goodie, if you act now).
Just trail, it’s the regular $6, but no goodies for you! Except still a rock. And some gravel before we run out.

To register, visit this link today! Right now!: REGISTER HERE

Lucy Van Pelt: Snoopy, you’ll have to be all the animals in our play. Can you be a sheep?
Snoopy: Baaa!
Lucy Van Pelt: How about a cow?
Snoopy: Moo!
Lucy Van Pelt: How about a penguin?
[Snoopy waddles like a penguin]
Lucy Van Pelt: Yes, he’s even a good penguin.
Snoopy: Roar!
[Snoopy then fights like a boxer and jumps on Lucy’s head, acting like a vulture]
Lucy Van
Pelt: [throwing Snoopy off her head] No, no, no!
[Snoopy starts mockin
hqdefaultg Lucy]
Lucy Van Pelt: Listen, all of you! You’ve got to take direction! You’ve got to have discipline! You’ve got to have respect for your direct
[notices Sn
Lucy Van Pelt: I oughta slug you!
[Snoopy licks her face]
Lucy V
an Pelt: Ugh! I’ve been kissed by a hasher! I have hasher germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!
[Snoopy sticks out his tongue]
Snoopy: Bleah!

The trail start is still to be determined, but here are directions to the Jingle Balls Ball, starting at 7:00pm: Location is 3888 N. Upper Birdie Galyan Road, east of Bloomington. Take IN45 (10th Street) east from Bloomington to Mt Gilead Road. Then take Mt Gilead Road to Upper Birdie Galyan and turn right, then make an immediate left onto the gravel drive. About 1/4 mile down the gravel drive the road will split – stay right. There is parking, but not acres of it, so carpooling is strongly strongly strongly encouraged. As are designated drivers, because we’re cool.

“Look, Charlie, let’s face it. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.” – Lucy Van Pelt

For more information, email Handersome Pooper at handersomepooper@gmail.com, or White Lightning at whlightnin@gmail.com. And remember, just replying to the Facebook page isn’t enough — you’ve got to register and pay via the Paypal link to get in, or pay the joint masters at the next hash.

On Jingle On!

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Old Fart Bash

Cum to the north shelter at Bryan Park on Sunday for the Old Fart Bash in celebration of the new moon! Trail will be appropriate for any old bike with any old fart riding it!

$6 for experienced hashers and bashers, free for young farts.

Map HERE1969294_10101512701116637_1033426649633830645_n.

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BFH3/Indyscent INbreeding Hash

1505369_10104918738470539_8211270111613446113_nINbreeding is defined by the Hash House Harriers Dictionary* (*publication forthcumming) as the “Intermingling of two or more closely related Indiana kennels.” INbreeding is not to be confused with inbreeding, which is when close relatives produce offspring that often have genetic abnormalities, with an unusually high occurrence in US redneck areas* (*Urbandictionary.com). However, the two terms are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Please join your hares 13″ Cockshower and Robocopafeel from IndyScent and your own BloomingFools I Kinsey Ur Butthole and Psychadelic Cumfountain on Saturday, November 22nd as we hold our annual INbreeding Hash between IndyScent and BloomingFools in that veritable mecca of inbred redneckery: Martinsville, Indiana. Be prepared to see evidence of the common inbred hilljack everywhere: rusting automobiles on concrete blocks, trailer parks, mullets, confederate flags, and extra fingers and toes on humans and animals. And the worst evidence of all: consumption of shitty cheap beer.

Virgin researchers attend for free. Experienced investigators pay $6. The start will be in the shelterhouse at the back of Jimmy Nash Park in Martinsville.

Trail will be live, the snacks will be orange, and the (nonshitty) beer will be cold. This trail counts as a hash for both kennels.
Map: http://goo.gl/RyP3O4

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