Beware the Ides of March
…because it’s supposed to SNOW Wednesday and be back up to 58 Friday! So by Saturday, we’ll be happily hashing in the mud! But no problem, half-minds have old sneakers and those togas are wash and wear.
The Romans celebrated the first two weeks of March as the new year, which is what it feels like around here as the birds are chirping again and we are thawing and waking up from hibernation and starting to vacuum our cars again. In honor of Caesar’s assassination, sport a toga, a wreath or anything that looks like the Star Trek trips to Roman times.
Start: 1001 (West) Winding Way, Bloomington 47404
When: Saturday, March 15, 2014 at 3 p.m.
Cost: $6 for Romans (veteran hashers), free for everyone else!
Directions: From downtown, take Kirkwood west to Rogers Road, turn right to go north on Rogers. It will turn into Kinser Pike somewhere past 17th Street. After 45/46, continue one mile north. Cascades municipal Golf Course will be on the right. At around one mile, turn left on Winding Way. Go one and a half residential blocks and look for a white house on the left, corner of Stoneycrest and Winding Way. It is a two-story with red shutters and is dwarfed by a two-story treehouse in the big red maple tree. Park in the driveway or there is plenty of on-street parking.
Everyone has a toga, right? We may even award prizes for most creative use of a bedsheet: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Toga-out-of-a-Bedsheet
Whatever you wear, please don’t look anything like these sisters: http://www.rachelwilkerson.com/2010/08/30/how-to-make-a-toga/
Hares: Mothershucker will keep a lid on virgin hare Pokey the Magic Starfish’s pointlessly ineffectual exuberant itinerary (through woods, streams, a quarry and pond) and bring us all back to her home, where we’ll drink like Romans.
See Red Dress Run 2014 for more details!
Hares: ʘ & Circuscision
Attire: Optional [Mardi gras-suitable costumes encouraged]
‘Twas 42 hours afore the hash.
The hare’s half-mind began to dash
From beads to cake to flour off-white
But he had yet to compose an invite.
He looked at pictures of New Orleans—
Some beautiful (some disturbing) scenes
Of Mardi gras from years bygone.
But then he thought, “Screw it!” On-On!
Half-minds don’t need a (s)wank invitation.
They just want to know where the hell in creation
They might grab an ass and spy boobies to leer
At and follow some flour ’til they find beer.
So put on a mask and wear a chic dress.
Get ready to be a Mardi grab-ass hot mess!
And cake! (Did somewank say “cake”?!)
When: Saturday, March 1, 3pm
Where: Atwater Garage (*not* the Henderson Grarage—which also happens to be on Atwater—the Atwater Garage at Atwater and Woodlawn)
How much: $6 for experienced masqueraders and panty raiders; Free for those whose panties have yet to be raided.
Pooper’s 40th! And we’re not talking about the number of hashes he’s hared this year. Celebrate with him, and while you’re at it, explore the urban shiggy of the untamed East Side of Bloomington.
Your hares Blow Blow and Pooper will lead you on a wild and beer soaked adventure. So grab you shiggy socks, your K9 companions if you have them (leashes please!), a virgin or 2 and a thirst for excitement, and get your little tuckus out to the hash.
Saturday Feb 15, 2014 at 3pm
Olcott Park – 2300 E Canada Drive in Bloomington
$6 unless you’re a virgin, free unless you’re not
One evening BUTRz and Screwy were happily skipping down the streets of Bloomington headed to their favorite watering hole when they both had the sad realization that they had lost their hearts along the way, and right before Valentine’s Day, no less. Did they fall out of their pockets? Were they misplaced? Did someone steal them? Come out on this frosty, full moon Valentine’s night and help retrace the steps of your hares, BUTRz and Screw It I’m Wet, in search of their missing hearts. There will be treats, merriment, and maybe other lost hearts along the way. Headlamps recommended.
****IMPORTANT: BRING YOUR ID****
Friday, February 14, 2014
$6 for veterans, $0 for virgins
One of the plenitude of benefits that comes with being a Blooming Fool is the profuse array of shiggy adorning our nearby environs. That is why returners wax rhapsodic when they remember hashes past and yearn for the chance to rekindle the romance of beer down-downed in a sylvan paradise.
So gather ye shiggy trails while ye may, as you never know when the slings and arrows of half-minded fortune may strew our carcasses hither and yon. The once available idyllic fruits of the Southern Indiana karst may be wrested from our grasp and only the ashes of that splendor will remain in our hearts.
So we’re having a wild hare hash on Sunday. Deal with it.
Sunday February 9, 2014
$6, unless you’re a virgin, then whoopty doo it’s free.
Yellowwood Dam Boat Launch Parking Lot
NOTE: this is NOT the parking lot we usually meet up at Yellowwood, but the one down by the dam. We won’t wait for you if you go to the wrong lot and then text some sad story about skimming the invite.
Map - http://goo.gl/maps/Q6B2W (see, told you it was a different place than you were thinking)
Take IN-46 east until you reach Yellowwood Rd (sign for Yellowwood State Forest will lead the way)
Turn left to follow the road in the cornfield then left again when you hit the T
Stay on that road by baring right toward the campgrounds
Make the 2nd Left (the first is a residence’s driveway)
Look for hashers, crack a beer, hash, drink, sing, GTFO
See you all there!
February is Heart Health Month, the month when we take a moment to thank the second hardest-working organ in our bodies. Your heart beats about 38 million times in a year, give or take a few million extra depending on your love life, and what do you do for your heart in return? Dump trans fats on it and blob out on the couch watching Juan Pablo or Brooke Burke-Charvet, that’s what. Well, not on February 1, dammit! Your hares, Dowelrod and White Lightning, have put together a simply mindboggling (or mindbogglingly simple, actually) hash trail to promote heart health and get you breathing hard for a change. You’re invited to wear red on trail in commemoration of the cardiac theme, but what you wear doesn’t have to be a dress (btw, the Red Dress Hash is April 26th this year! Put it on your calendar now!). And, we’re even going to contribute one dollar to the Scripps Research Institute for each hasher who shows up for trail, in honor of everyone’s ticker. So come out and wear red – your heart will thank you for it.
Then we’ll stuff ourselves with greasy food at the on-after.
What: The Wear Red (Not Necessarily a Dress) Hash
Hares: Dowelrod and White Lightning
Start: Will Detmer Park, 4140 W Vernal Pike, Bloomington
When: 3:00pm, Saturday, February 1
How much: $6 for veteran hashers, free for newbies, cheep as ever
Directions: From the courthouse, take Kirkwood west, which turns into Third Street. After crossing Rogers, turn right at the next stoplight, onto Adams Street. Go about three blocks and turn left onto Vernal Pike. Take Vernal Pike for about eight minutes, crossing 37 in the process, and look for signs for Will Detmer Park on the right. If you hit Curry Pike, you’ve gone too far. Too far!
Howdy y’all! Come on out and join your hares, Weird Al and RoshamBoner for a hootin’ hollerin’ good time at the Circle M Ranch near the Deem Wilderness.
Now that our southern weather has returned, the odd winter wonderland has melted right away. We’re left with a big sloppy mess o’ mud for you wanks to tromp through. The rivers need a fordin’, a few logs need a wranglin’, and we reckon some o’ y’all might lose a shoe. But if y’all can keep yer herd together without losin’ any cattle, you’ll be glad you came.
So bring out yer finest western wear and come on out, ya’ll!
Who: y’all hashers and yer hares, Weird Al and RoshamBoner
Where: Deam Wilderness Horse Camp
When: January 18th at 3pm
How much: $6 if this ain’t your first rodeo, greenhorns ride for free
Yes, it’s cold as a clam peeing on an iceberg out there now, but this Saturday it’s going to be just nipply enough for the Winter Nips hash, taking place this Saturday, January 4 (duh), starting at 3 p.m. from Park Ridge East Park in Bloomington. Come out and join your hares, Psychedelic Cumfountain and White Lightning, for an afternoon of joyously devious semi-urban trail, chilly beverages in semi-rigid containers, and probably a special warming check or two. (C’mon out, it’s not like your New Year’s resolutions are going to make it that far anyway.)
Hares: Psycho and White Lightning
Cost: $6, unless it’s your first time, then it’s free
Date, time: Saturday, January 4, 3:00pm EST (8:00pm GMT)
Where: Park Ridge East Park, 4421 E. Morningside Dr., Bloomington
+39 degrees 9’ 59.77”
-86 degrees 28’ 23.65”
(Exact enough for you people?)
Too often, we resolve at the first of the Gregorian calendar to do something healthy for ourselves. But hashers should resolute to be debaucherous. Bring an accountabili-hasher and start your year along the true trail.
When: Wed, Jan 1, 2014 at 2pm
Where: Crestmont Park
Address (approximate): 1041 West 16th Street, 47404
GPS (exact): 39.177296,-86.547528
Cost: $6 for hashers, free for virgins
Hares: Hand’ersome Pooper and Untouched Private Panther