‘Murica – F@ck Yeah! Hash

July 2 Holiday Weekend HashIt’s the greatest Independence Day celebration in the world for the greatest (F@ck that Trump pussy!) nation in the whole damn world. ‘Murica!

Your hares Cream and Jerk and Psychedelic Cumfountain will lead you deep into the heartland of ‘Murica (Ellettsville) where you can celebrate the awesomeness that is Independence Day in true ‘Murican style. Wear your best stars and bars (that’s red, white, and blue gitup for you hippies!) on trail as you find out exactly why ‘Murica is so great.

Shiggy level: 2 (water crossings and woods)

The cost of this shindig is $7 for true ‘Murican patriots, and free for all them immigrants who make it past that big ass wall and on to trail for the first time.

On-After will be at the end. We’ll have cookout food with all the fixins for a mere $8 more. BYOF (fireworks!) cause it ain’t ‘Murica unlessen we blow some shit up.

To summarize:
Trail only: $7
Trail and On-After: $15
Virgins trail: Free
Virgins trail + On-After: $8

Start location:
Take 46 towards downtown Ellettsville. After you cross over the bridge and hit the stoplight at 46 and Sale St, drive another 50 feet or so on 46 and look to the right. There are two gravel drives that lead back to a parking lot with storage units behind them. Turn right on either one. You found the start. Approximate GPS 39°14’07.9″N 86°37’24.2″W

If you are really in the mood to celebrate, join the hares for a prelube at 3pm at Kenny’s tavern, the best dive bar in Ellettsville that happens to just be across the street from the start. The beer special is $2.50 for the bottled beer of the month.

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6/26 Wet Hot American Bash!

Wet Hot American Bash!One year ago, some guy named Nunshallpass invited a very mild-mannered mail carrier to a hash and then a bash the following day. Said mail carrier was then introduced to the ways of the hash/bash world and found the mixture of shit beer and biking/running good. 3 bashes in, the mail carrier was hence-forth and forever more named as Lickherpackage!

To commemorate his year analversary into the realm of the Bloomingfools Hash/Bash, cum to his Wet Hot American Bash! It’ll be very wet (when is that not a good thing?) and super hawt. And also American–cause fuck yeah Merica’. Expect water and dress accordingly. You don’t have to get wet if you don’t want to but seriously, why would you wanna be that lame?

Extra points if you dress up like characters from Wet Hot American Summer cause weird 80’s clothing is silly and totally necessary.

Virgin bashers are free. Duh. Everyone else better cough up $6.

When: Sunday, June 26 at 3 PM
Where: Memorial Stadium, 1001 E 17th St, Bloomington, Indiana 47408

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6/17 – 6/19 BFH3 Analversary 19

BFH3 Analversary 19Registration for the Blooming Fools mostly-annual hash-family reunion campout, BFH3 Analversary 19, is now live!

Pre-Registration is *required* in order to attend Analversary, so please visit http://www.bfh3.com/?page_id=2692 to register today!

Please note: Analversary is a BFH3-mostly event and pricing is supplemented from hash cash as a thank-you to our loyal wankers who hash with us all year round.

In light of this, *please* do not advertise Analversary as a travel hash opportunity or post the registration link to other kennel pages. Travelers, especially former fools, frequent visitors, and of course besties and partners of Fools are welcome to join us for our hash family weekend, but again, this event should not be advertised as a travel hash opportunity. Wankers with questions about this should contact the facebook account “JM Bloomingfools” or email bloomingfoolsh3@gmail.com.

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6/12 Live Bare Bash

Live Bare BashCum catch Boner and Pitts as they attempt to live bare a trail for all you wanky bashers!

For those in the group who haven’t been on a live trail before, us bares will leave Salt Creek right after chalk talk, and the rest of the crowd will start out about 10 or 15 minutes later with the goal of solving trail together (and maybe even catching the bares in the act!).

Lil’ bear cubs – free
Old Grizzlies – $6

** Note the non-downtown location! The bypass can be a great way to get out to Salt Creek, but it’ll still take a few more minutes than our standard starting points! Also, we’re announcing ahead of time that trail will be A to B, so plan accordingly if you are going to drive to Salt Creek **

When: Sunday, 6/12 at 3 PM
Where: Salt Creek Cycles, 4001 E 3rd St, Ste 6

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6/4 BFH3 Erection Day Hash

BFH3 Erection Day HashPH and first gentlewank ET bring you an Erection Day Hash to be remembered for at least five minutes, complete with voting for your 2016-17 MisManagers!

Cum join us at the parking lot adjacent to the former Proton Therapy Center for Erection Day! What is Erection Day? It is the day we all do our Hashic duty like the good wankers we are and vote for our incumming MisManagement! BFH3 is proud to have extremely open erections, as any and all fools who aren’t virgins or visitors are welcome to cum, register, and vote all in the same day, regardless of hashlitical party affiliation!! Votes will be counted while wankers while the day away on trails through the trees and shrubs and flours, and the 2016-17 Mismanagement will be announced at circle.

After circle, we’ll have an on-after cookout to celebrate 2015-16 MisManagers’ newfound soon-to-be freedom for the low low price of $8 per wanker for dinner and yet more beer, to cummence immediately after circle ends! Yes, that means trail is A to B, but B is a pretty predictable and cumpletely walkable distance from A so don’t feel cumpelled to skip out on that account.

Wankers will not receive “I voted” stickers, but they just might get a marginally hashier cummemorative token to incite blame or adulation for the next year of typically disorganized and non-transparent hash MisManagement, so don’t miss out! Cum, vote, drink beer, eat some grilled stuff, and above all else, have fun with your fellow wankers and start getting SUPER PSYCHED for our upcumming Analversary Weekend, where MM 2015-16 will at last find relief from their labors at the closing ceremonies for Sunday morning’s Fat Boy, and MM 2016-17 will cummence to screw everything up anew!

If you’re staying for the cookout, please let the hares (or mismanagement) know so we have enough food and beer and crap for everyone!

As usual, trail is $7 for Experienced Hashers, free for first-timers, and on-after is $8 for everyone.

When: Saturday, June 4 at 4 PM
Where: 2425 N Milo B Sampson Ln, Bloomington, IN 47408

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6/3 Hard as a Rock New Moon Bash

Hard as a Rock New Moon BashCum join F. Lots Pittsgerald this Friday for a New Moon Clue Bash beginning at 6:30!

We will be leaving from the parking lot across the street from the Atlas, so anyone who wants to attend Hash Practice (beginning at 5:30) beforehand can do so.

Free for virgin asses
$6 for the more experienced crowd

When: Friday, 6/3 at 6:30 PM
Where: Parking Lot across from The Atlas

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5/29 Witty Bloomington Bash Name Here Memorial Bash

Witty Bloomington Bash Name Here Memorial BashJoin Custom Shag and Nuns Shall Pass as we lay to rest the name, Witty Bloomington Bash Name Here.

Reception to follow. Beer and orange food will be provided.

In other news, a bouncy baby name, Blooming Fools Bash, was born on the same day.

We’ll start from the next to the top level of the parking garage.

Mourners bring $6, virgin mourners (moaners?) are free!

When: Sunday, 5/29 at 3pm
Where: Next to Top Floor, 4th Street Garage, 105 W. 4th Street, 47404

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5/28 It’s Assfault’s Wild Hare Hash!!!

It's Assfault's Wild Hare Hash!!!What!! I don’t even know these guys!
Who’s fault? Assfault!!!
Hare 1) Body By Alf
Hare 2) Count Motorboat Ah Ah Ah
Cum Ye wanks!!!

When: Saturday, May 28 at 4 PM
Where: St Charles Catholic School, 2222 E 3rd St, 47401
How much: $7, virgins are free!

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5/21 Weird Al’s 5th Analversary!

Weird Al's 5th Analversary!Five years ago today, Jizz Hands brought an awkward guy named Just Barry to the hash, changing his life forever. They named him Weird Al Spankabitch. He learned to travel. He became Mismanagement twice. He pissed off a lot of people, who patiently taught him how to act at the hash.

Today, he’s gonna lay trail. It will be live.

Who: Your hares, Weird Al Spankabitch and Gaelic Pasties
When: 4pm Saturday, 5/21
Where: Boner’s Lot <map>, but try to carpool, I guess.
Why: Cheap beer, good times, great friends
How much: free for first-timers, $7 for everyone else.
Theme: Weird Al! (what else?)

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5/20 BUTRz and Weird-Al’s Tribute Hash

BUTRz and Weird-Al's Tribute hashLong time ago me and my co-Hare Weird Al here,
We was layin’ trail through a trail in Olcott Park.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon.
In the middle of the path.
And he said:
“Lay the shittiest trail in the world, or I’ll eat your soul.” (soul)

Well me and Weird-Al, we looked at each other,
And we each said. “Okay.”

And we live hared the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The shittiest trail in the world, it was the shittiest trail in the world.

Look into my eyes and it’s easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was shiggggggyyyy.
Once every seven dollars or so,
When the sun doth set and the moon doth glow
And the shiggy doth grow

Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his whoopy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: “(snort) Be you virgins?”
And we said, “Nay. We are but hares.”
Rock!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

This is not the shittiest trail in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn’t remember the shittiest trail in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to the shittiest trail in the World,
All right! It was the shittiest trail in the World,
All right! It was the worst muthafuckin’ trail the shittiest trail in the world.

And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
The trail we lay on that fateful night it didn’t actually look
Anything like this trail.

Hare(s): Brings Up The Rear aka BUTRz and Weird Al Spankabitch
Location: Olcott Park <map>
Bring: Cranium lamp, hash cash, whistle, extra cash for habberdashery.
Cost: $7 if you’ve hashed before, free if you haven’t (’cause you’re a virgin)
When: Friday 5/20 at 7 PM

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