The I’m Not Dead Yet Hash

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Your hares BUTRz, Screw It I’m Wet, and Psychadelic Cum Fountain are here to remind you that “We’re Not Dead Yet”. Jack be damned! We’re here to invite you to a barely live hare hash starting in _Park Ridge Park_ (not to be confused with Park Ridge East Park — look at the address). We’re here to remind you that even though it’s winter, Nature isn’t quite dead yet either, but hopefully by 12/20 Bloomington will be!

<Insert more funny hash event information here>

As always, Virgins are free, alive or dead. Everyone else is $6.

Where: Park Ridge Park, 3421 E Longwood Ave., Bloomington
When: 3:00 pm, Saturday, December 20

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The Day After Pearl Harbor Bash

“We have nothing to beer but beer itself.”

1003720_159896877533263_567494525_nJoin the bashers for a festive holiday trail around…wait, no, the theme is “The Day After Pearl Harbor Bash.” Um…commemorate the 73rd anniversary of December 8, 1941, with a festive holiday trail around…no, wait.

Oh well: Expect the usual bash trail goofiness because your bare is Mothershucker, and it’ll cost you $6, unless you’re a newbie, then it’s free!

Start: Underneath the big table sculpture on the B-Line. (The sculpture is called “Bloomington Banquet,” btw.)

Trail is road bike, Buttcheek, and beginner friendly. (Bring a bicycle, helmet, lights, and as much reflective gear as you can possibly muster.)

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BFH3 Jingle Balls Hash

Primeval hasher George Bailey: [on Mary being caught naked in the bushes after her robe slips off] This is a very interesting situation!
Mary: Please give me my robe.
George Bailey: A man doesn’t get in a situation like this every day.
Mary: I’d like to have my robe.
George Bailey: Not in Bedford Falls anyway.
Mary: [after the bushes' thorns starting hurting her] Ouch! Oh!DSCN3919
George Bailey: Gezundheit.
Mary: George Bailey!
George Bailey: Inspires a little thought!
Mary: Give me my robe.
George Bailey: I’ve read about things like this.
Mary: Shame on you! I’m going to tell your mother on you.
George Bailey: Well, my mother is way up on the corner.
Mary: I’ll call the police!
George Bailey: Well, they’re all the way downtown. They’d be on my side.
Mary: Then I’ll scream!
George Bailey: Maybe I can sell tickets.

On December 6, 1853, Bing Crosby wrote “Twas the Night Before Jingle Balls” for Coca-Cola, and the modern holiday season was born. To mark the occasion, we’ll be reveling and wassailing our (jingle) balls off at the 18th annual Blooming Fools Jingle Balls Hash, starting (trail) at 2pm and starting (party) at 7pm on Saturday, December 6, 2014.

Charlie Brown: Look, let’s rehearse the scene at the inn. Frieda…
Frieda: I can’t go on, there’s too much shiggy. It’s taking the curl out of my naturally curly hair.MCBC_Freida_PigPen
Charlie Brown
: Don’t think of it as shiggy. Think of it as maybe the soil of some great past civilization. Maybe the shiggy of ancient Babylon. It staggers the imagination. He may be carrying flour that was followed by Solomon, or even Nebuchudnezzar.
Pig-Pen: Sort of makes you want to treat me with more respect, doesn’t it?

 Frieda: You’re an absolute mess. Just look at yourself.
Pig-Pen: [looks at himself in Frieda's mirror and smiles] On the contrary, I didn’t think I looked THAT good.

What? You’ve never been to a Blooming Fools Jingle Balls before? Well, pull up a snowball and we’ll tell you all about it. The festivities start at 2pm, with a reindeer games trail hared by Psychedelic “Shermy” Cumfountain and Untouched “Schroeder” Private Panther. Then, after a super-festive circle, we’ll reconvene at Mama Said Pop You Out’s place for the Jingle Balls Ball, a formal hash occasion featuring food, music, fabulous commemorative goodies, beverages (of course), and the legendary Blooming Fools White Elephant Gift Exchange. Bring a hash gift, take a hash gift! We recommend that if you buy something new, you spend around $10 – but be creative! And remember, it’s for a hasher, so think about what hashers like!

2096_4George Bailey: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.
Mary: I’ll take it. Then what?
George Bailey: Well, then you can swallow it, and it’ll all dissolve, see… and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair… am I drinking too much?

How much will all this cost me, you ask?
From 12:00am, Sunday, November 30 through 11:59pm, Friday, December 5:
The whole shebang (trail and party): $30.
Just the Jingle Balls Ball (party): $25 (including goodie, if you act now).
Just trail, it’s the regular $6, but no goodies for you! Except maybe a rock.

On the day of Jingle Balls, Saturday, December 6:
The whole shebang (trail and party): $35.
Just the Jingle Balls Ball (party): $30 (including goodie, if you act now).
Just trail, it’s the regular $6, but no goodies for you! Except still a rock. And some gravel before we run out.

To register, visit this link today! Right now!: REGISTER HERE

Lucy Van Pelt: Snoopy, you’ll have to be all the animals in our play. Can you be a sheep?
Snoopy: Baaa!
Lucy Van Pelt: How about a cow?
Snoopy: Moo!
Lucy Van Pelt: How about a penguin?
[Snoopy waddles like a penguin]
Lucy Van Pelt: Yes, he’s even a good penguin.
Snoopy: Roar!
[Snoopy then fights like a boxer and jumps on Lucy's head, acting like a vulture]
Lucy Van
Pelt: [throwing Snoopy off her head] No, no, no!
[Snoopy starts mockin
hqdefaultg Lucy]
Lucy Van Pelt: Listen, all of you! You’ve got to take direction! You’ve got to have discipline! You’ve got to have respect for your direct
or!
[notices Sn
oopy]
Lucy Van Pelt: I oughta slug you!
[Snoopy licks her face]
Lucy V
an Pelt: Ugh! I’ve been kissed by a hasher! I have hasher germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!
[Snoopy sticks out his tongue]
Snoopy: Bleah!

The trail start is still to be determined, but here are directions to the Jingle Balls Ball, starting at 7:00pm: Location is 3888 N. Upper Birdie Galyan Road, east of Bloomington. Take IN45 (10th Street) east from Bloomington to Mt Gilead Road. Then take Mt Gilead Road to Upper Birdie Galyan and turn right, then make an immediate left onto the gravel drive. About 1/4 mile down the gravel drive the road will split – stay right. There is parking, but not acres of it, so carpooling is strongly strongly strongly encouraged. As are designated drivers, because we’re cool.

Dance
“Look, Charlie, let’s face it. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.” – Lucy Van Pelt

For more information, email Handersome Pooper at handersomepooper@gmail.com, or White Lightning at whlightnin@gmail.com. And remember, just replying to the Facebook page isn’t enough — you’ve got to register and pay via the Paypal link to get in, or pay the joint masters at the next hash.

On Jingle On!

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Old Fart Bash

Cum to the north shelter at Bryan Park on Sunday for the Old Fart Bash in celebration of the new moon! Trail will be appropriate for any old bike with any old fart riding it!

$6 for experienced hashers and bashers, free for young farts.

Map HERE1969294_10101512701116637_1033426649633830645_n.

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BFH3/Indyscent INbreeding Hash

1505369_10104918738470539_8211270111613446113_nINbreeding is defined by the Hash House Harriers Dictionary* (*publication forthcumming) as the “Intermingling of two or more closely related Indiana kennels.” INbreeding is not to be confused with inbreeding, which is when close relatives produce offspring that often have genetic abnormalities, with an unusually high occurrence in US redneck areas* (*Urbandictionary.com). However, the two terms are not necessarily mutually exclusive.

Please join your hares 13″ Cockshower and Robocopafeel from IndyScent and your own BloomingFools I Kinsey Ur Butthole and Psychadelic Cumfountain on Saturday, November 22nd as we hold our annual INbreeding Hash between IndyScent and BloomingFools in that veritable mecca of inbred redneckery: Martinsville, Indiana. Be prepared to see evidence of the common inbred hilljack everywhere: rusting automobiles on concrete blocks, trailer parks, mullets, confederate flags, and extra fingers and toes on humans and animals. And the worst evidence of all: consumption of shitty cheap beer.

Virgin researchers attend for free. Experienced investigators pay $6. The start will be in the shelterhouse at the back of Jimmy Nash Park in Martinsville.

Trail will be live, the snacks will be orange, and the (nonshitty) beer will be cold. This trail counts as a hash for both kennels.
Map: http://goo.gl/RyP3O4

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Wapehani Trail Day This Saturday!

This Saturday a bunch of Blooming Fools wanks will be giving back to the community by working on the trails we’ve adopted in the Wapehani Mountain Bike Park in Bloomington. If you ever wanted to work on trails, this is the weekend: We’ll be bench cutting with no heavy lifting required. No tools required, just wear some yardwork-ish clothes, and you’ll be rewarded with beer and food afterwards. (Well, actually, we’ll all pitch in on the beer and food. but you’ll have helped make things better for Bloomington hashers and muggles, so it’ll be totally worth it.)
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When: Noon to 3pm (latecomers are welcome!), Saturday, November 15.
Where: Wapehani Mountain Bike Park
Why?: Beer and food afterwards, and we’ve ripped up enough trails, we’re going to build some.

ON ON!

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Three Blind Mice Hash

Three blind mice. Three blind mice.
See how they run. See how they run.Three Blind Mice Hash
They’ll lay a trail to chase for beer.
The trail will be live, so try to get near.
But remember a lamp to help you peer.
At the three blind mice.

Join your hares, GargleNuts, Incocknito, and Roshamboner, for a fun evening of cat and mouse (live trail). No need to bait with cheese; orange snacks cum included. Bring $6 and a cranial lamp or else you’ll be just as blind as the mice/hares.

Where: Start is at Karst Farm Splash Pad
When: Thursday (11/6) @ 7pm
How much: $6 for veteran mice catchers, $0 for kittens (virgins)
Why: Why not?

Map: http://goo.gl/maps/f3WOC

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Creepy Bloomington Bash

Mayor Kruzan was asked in a recent interview for 5 words he would use to describe Bloomington.  Eclectic.  Philosophical. Fun. Growing. Ours, is what he said.  Well I have 5 words of my own for you, Bloomington. Ride. Bikes. And. Drink. Beer.unnamed

So cum on out to Boner’s Lot on Friday, October 24 at 6pm to experience all 5 things Bloomington has to offer.

Your gravediggers, Roshamboner and Mothershucker, will tempt you and trick you with clues relating to Bloomington’s sordid, spooky, and sad history.  Follow the clues successfully and you’ll be rewarded with beer!  If not, you’ll be doomed to spend eternity with the bros on campus.

The terror starts at 6:00pm sharp at Boner’s Lot:  https://www.google.com/maps/place/Boner’s+Lot/@39.150375,-86.536729,17z/data=!3m1!4b1!4m2!3m1!1s0x886c66fc24f8be0f:0xda50f6ad0d12061b

Costumes are encouraged and there just might be a trick or maybe even a treat for the best one.

And remember, sunset is before 7pm so be sure to charge those lights!

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World Peace Through Beer Hash

Drink the change you want to see in the world with hares Screw It I’m Wet and Hand’ersome Pooper. It’s the first an’al Bloomingfools H3 World Peace Through Beer Hash. But peace isn’t free; it’ll cost you $6 (still cheap!)… unless you’re a virgin in which case it actually is free.World Peace

Saturday October 25 at 4pm

Bryan Park north parking lot on Stull Street (just south of E. Maxwell Ln.)

Map: https://goo.gl/maps/CdiCv

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Girls Churning Butr’z Bash

Your bares Butr’z and InHeGo Girls drunkenly presents, WBBNH production of “Girls churning Butr’z” bash!!

Get out of the daily grind of barn raising and tending to your live stock and experience the outside world of bashing.10624705_10203441117281278_7997042873831452389_n

Trail starts at Park Ridge East park,
http://goo.gl/maps/DkxqQ

Virgins are free and if you are not a virgin, you will be shunned from the village… Or pay $6.

When: Sunday, October 19, 2:00pm

What’s a bash, you ask? Bicycle hashing (“bashing”) is fun-cycling based on a “hare and hounds” trail which caters to all bike abilities. The bare sets a trail in chalk and flour, including false trails, loops and check, which help to slow the front cyclists (FRBs) down while they look for the next bit of trail, thus allowing the slower riders (DFLs) to catch up. The distance is usually about 10 to 15 miles, with a beer check or two along the way. You have a bicycle? We’d love to have you! And you can do the bash, too!

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