5/28 It’s Assfault’s Wild Hare Hash!!!

It's Assfault's Wild Hare Hash!!!What!! I don’t even know these guys!
Who’s fault? Assfault!!!
Hare 1) Body By Alf
Hare 2) Count Motorboat Ah Ah Ah
Cum Ye wanks!!!

When: Saturday, May 28 at 4 PM
Where: St Charles Catholic School, 2222 E 3rd St, 47401
How much: $7, virgins are free!

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5/29 Witty Bloomington Bash Name Here Memorial Bash

Witty Bloomington Bash Name Here Memorial BashJoin Custom Shag and Nuns Shall Pass as we lay to rest Witty Bloomington Bash Name Here.

Reception to follow. Beer and orange food will be provided.

Start location will be added soon.

When: Sunday, 5/29 at 3pm
Where: TBD
How much: $6, virgins are free

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5/21 Weird Al’s 5th Analversary!

Weird Al's 5th Analversary!Five years ago today, Jizz Hands brought an awkward guy named Just Barry to the hash, changing his life forever. They named him Weird Al Spankabitch. He learned to travel. He became Mismanagement twice. He pissed off a lot of people, who patiently taught him how to act at the hash.

Today, he’s gonna lay trail. It will be live.

Who: Your hares, Weird Al Spankabitch and Gaelic Pasties
When: 4pm Saturday, 5/21
Where: Boner’s Lot <map>, but try to carpool, I guess.
Why: Cheap beer, good times, great friends
How much: free for first-timers, $7 for everyone else.
Theme: Weird Al! (what else?)

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5/20 BUTRz and Weird-Al’s Tribute Hash

BUTRz and Weird-Al's Tribute hashLong time ago me and my co-Hare Weird Al here,
We was layin’ trail through a trail in Olcott Park.
All of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon.
In the middle of the path.
And he said:
“Lay the shittiest trail in the world, or I’ll eat your soul.” (soul)

Well me and Weird-Al, we looked at each other,
And we each said. “Okay.”

And we live hared the first thing that came to our heads,
Just so happened to be,
The shittiest trail in the world, it was the shittiest trail in the world.

Look into my eyes and it’s easy to see
One and one make two, two and one make three,
It was shiggggggyyyy.
Once every seven dollars or so,
When the sun doth set and the moon doth glow
And the shiggy doth grow

Needless to say, the beast was stunned.
Whip-crack went his whoopy tail,
And the beast was done.
He asked us: “(snort) Be you virgins?”
And we said, “Nay. We are but hares.”
Rock!
Ahhh, ahhh, ahhh-ah-ah,
Ohhh, whoah, ah-whoah-oh!

This is not the shittiest trail in the World, no.
This is just a tribute.
Couldn’t remember the shittiest trail in the World, no, no.
This is a tribute, oh, to the shittiest trail in the World,
All right! It was the shittiest trail in the World,
All right! It was the worst muthafuckin’ trail the shittiest trail in the world.

And the peculiar thing is this my friends:
The trail we lay on that fateful night it didn’t actually look
Anything like this trail.

Hare(s): Brings Up The Rear aka BUTRz and Weird Al Spankabitch
Location: Olcott Park <map>
Bring: Cranium lamp, hash cash, whistle, extra cash for habberdashery.
Cost: $7 if you’ve hashed before, free if you haven’t (’cause you’re a virgin)
When: Friday 5/20 at 7 PM

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5/15 The Lucid and Ludicrous Little 500 Bash!

The Lucid and Ludicrous Little 500 Bash!Cum one, cum all, come virgins, cum sloppies, to Cocky and Sharty’s Lucid and Lucicrous Little 500 bash!! Now that Bloomington has calmed down, we can ride bikes and drink beer just like the undergrads do!

Bring a bike, yourself, any virgins you can scrounge up, and a measly $6 this Sunday at 3pm. We will be gathering in the back parking lot behind the Alpha Phi Sorority house on the corner of 3rd and Woodlawn.

When: Sunday, 5/15 at 3 PM
Where: Alpha Phi Sorority House 908 E 3rd St, Bloomington, IN 47406
How much: $6, virgins are free

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5/13 Wild Hare & Food Drive Hash by Lick Her’Package!

Wild Hare & Food Drive by Lick Her'Package!Everywank’s favorite mailman is going to lay us… AGAIN. This time to support the post office’s annual food drive!

It’s true! Along with honorary mail carrier Susie Bee Strokeher, we’re gonna collect some freaking food to donate to the local Hoosier Hills Food Bank all while drinking some beers!

Some background–the National Association of Letter Carriers (NALC) does a national food drive once a year the second Saturday of May (May 14 this year). This will be its 24th year running–mail customers can put out non-perishable foodstuffs at their mailboxes and their mail carriers will pick them up. The food will then be handed off to local food banks at the nearby post office. Hoosier Hills Food Bank got 37,741 pounds of food from last year’s drive so it’s a big deal!

What is required of us half-minds to attend, you may ask?

BRING FOOD! Non-perishable food to be exact. Bring some good shit too–not just a buncha cans of pumpkin pie filling or beets. Minimum of 5 canned goods or $5-$7 worth of food.

Beer will be bought depending on how many people say they will attend so RSVP. Like seriously!

If you bring a virgin, that’s cool. Since it’s a charity thing though, encourage them to bring some food to donate. If some of y’all wanks can’t cum, be sure to leave some food at your mailbox/cluster box unit for your mail carrier to pick up the next day!

I realize we are all half-minds, but this is an awesome chance to make a difference in our community and drink beer at the same time! Beer drinking while helping out those less fortunate, don’t get much better than that! 😀

When: Friday, May 13 at 7 PM
Where: IU Cross Country Course, 47408
How Much: Minimum of 5 canned goods or $5-$7 worth of food

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5/7 BUTRz Off Dead Hash

BUTRz Off Dead HashFADE IN:

MIDDLE OF SCARLET OAK WOODS, NORTH EAST OF BLOOMINGTON — MID DAY

The sun rays shine down through the tree cover somewhere in south central Indiana. The sounds of birds can be heard in the background. The occasional brush of wind against the leaves.

CIRCUSCISION: Why did I agree to lay this trail?
BRINGS UP THE REAR: Because you love John Cusack?
CIRCUSCISION: Fair enough, but this trail has more ups and downs then his career.
BRINGS UP THE REAR: Can’t have the highs without the lows. At least the paper boy has stopped chasing us.
CIRCUSCISION: Who knew that the first paper wasn’t free like your first hash. I thought virgin readers counted for something.
BRINGS UP THE REAR: Nope. No way I’m giving him two dollars either, let alone seven. He didn’t even give us a beer. Oh, hey, I brought snacks.
*** BUTRz pulls out ziplock bags of oatmeal bars. Circusicion looks suspect. ***
BRINGS UP THE REAR: They have raisins in them! You like raisins!
CIRCUSICION: What I’d really like is to finish laying this trail.
BRINGS UP THE REAR: We’re almost to beer check. Buck up little camper, we’ll tackle that last slope together.

FADE OUT

Start Location: Scarlet Oak Woods
https://sycamorelandtrust.org/scarlet-oak-woods/
Rough Lat/Lon: 39.213069, -86.437484

Typing “Scarlet Oak Woods” into Waze will take you right there.

PLEASE Carpool. There’s a bigger place to park up the street about half a mile we could potentially ferry people from. There’s a tiny bit of parking at the start of trail but not a ton. It’s at the end of the street in the neighborhood.

Trail won’t be dog friendly due to rough terrain. I wouldn’t want to subject our four legged friends to it.

Please bring DEET or some other bug spray of your choice. In fact, you may want to bring some on trail to re-apply. The ticks are bad this season.

Cost: $7 Experienced Hashers and/or John Cusack fans, free for first-timers.
When: Saturday, May 7 at 4 PM

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5/6 Ana(l)gram New Moon Bash

Ana(l)gram New Moon BashCum join Lick Her’Package and F. Lots Pittsgerald this Friday for a New Moon Clue Bash beginning at 6:30!

We will be leaving from the parking lot across the street from the Atlas, so anyone who wants to attend Hash Practice (beginning at 5:30) beforehand can do so.

Free for virgin asses
$6 for well-seasoned rumps

When: Friday, 5/6 at 6:30pm
Where: Parking Lot across the Street from The Atlas

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5/1 What’sup Let’s Bash Today Bash

What'sup Let's Bash Today BashWhat’sup wanks?

Cum get down with the Chronic and Pitts this Sunday for the dopest trail imaginable! (It’s seriously gonna be soooo dope.)

Trail will be appropriate for all bike types and levels of skill, so break out that single speed or cruiser and get ready to tool around town.

When: 3:00, May 1
Where: Boner’s Lot <map>
Who: Bared by Gin & Chronic and Pitts
Cost: $6 for all you dope bashers, free for virgins

And here’s another dope pic of Shaq and The Dream riding with some Taco Bell for your viewing pleasure: http://i.imgur.com/qW8CBgw.jpg

GENERAL THINGS TO KNOW:
– As responsible cyclists, we follow traffic laws (stop at signs/lights, signal turns, etc.)
– Use of a helmet is strongly encouraged (not required)
– Be courteous to those around you (including people in cars!)
– Have fun!

LEGAL STUFF: Disclaimer and release – Please Read
By participating in any activities with Bloomington Bash, you acknowledge, appreciate, and agree that:

1. The risk of injury from cycling–especially while drinking–is significant, and while particular skills, equipment, and personal discipline may reduce this risk, the risk of serious and potentially fatal injury does exist; and

2. I KNOWINGLY AND FREELY ASSUME ALL SUCH RISKS, both known and unknown, EVEN IF ARISING FROM THE NEGLIGENCE BY YOURSELF or others, and assume full responsibility for my participation; and

3. I willingly agree to comply with the stated and customary terms and conditions for participation. If, however, I observe any unusual significant hazard during my presence or participation, I will remove myself from participation and bring such to the attention of other cyclists immediately; and

4. I, for myself and on behalf of my heirs, assigns, personal representatives and next of kin, HEREBY RELEASE, INDEMNIFY, AND HOLD HARMLESS the Bloomington Bash, their officers, officials, agents and/or employees, other participants, sponsoring agencies, sponsors, advertisers, and, if applicable, owners and lessors of premises used for the activity, WITH RESPECT TO ANY AND ALL INJURY, DISABILITY, DEATH, or loss or damage to person or property associated with my presence or participation, WHETHER ARISING FROM THE NEGLIGENCE BY MYSELF OR OTHERS, to the fullest extent of permitted by law.

I HAVE READ THIS RELEASE OF LIABILITY AND ASSUMPTION OF RISK AGREEMENT, I FULLY UNDERSTAND ITS TERMS, I UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE GIVEN UP SUBSTANTIAL RIGHTS BY JOINING IN BASHES, AND I AGREE WITH IT FREELY AND VOLUNTARILY WITHOUT ANY INDUCEMENT.

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4/22 Fool Moon Hash of the Virgins!

Total Eclipse of the HashTwo virgin hares, LickHerp Package and Hentai Me Up, are fated to pop their cherries this Friday night under the light of the full moon. Neither thought their first time would be with another virgin. They had both watched others do it and it didn’t look that hard (that’s what she said!) To prepare, they read up on the significance of proper (pre)lubrication. They sought guidance from those well-practiced in the art of a good lay, who then shared words of wisdom, such as the importance of leaving a trail of flours to the sweet spot. The most reassuring tip (no, not that one!) of all was that since it’s going to be getting dark and the moon is the best of all mood lighting, the whole thing can be quick and messy, and no one will be disappointed. These virgins may have needed a map and a flashlight and all four hands, but eventually they figured out where all the erogenous zones should be, and now all of you will benefit from their careful study.

Cum to the parking lot west of the Marriott Courtyard (south of the High Speed Tire & Automotive) at 7:00 PM this Friday night. If you’re not a virgin anymore, that’s ok, but you have to pay the price! ($7) Bring a virgin with you and they get laid for free along with all the other virgins, and though you won’t need a map, bring a flashlight, just in case it gets dark and you need to get a closer look at something (like flour… or something). This trail is not necessarily suitable for your four-legged friends. So, if you bring ’em, make sure to bring protection (a leash!).

When: Friday, April 22 at 7 PM
Where: Large Parking Lot West of the Marriott Courtyard and South of High Speed Tires and Automotive
How much: $7, free for first-timers

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