The Tax ‘Em, Bleed ‘Em, and Moon ‘Em Hash

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When: Tues, April 15, 2014 at 7pm
Where: Bloomington Community Orchard (Winslow Woods Park)
Address: 2120 S. Highland Ave., Bloomington, IN 47401
Map: http://goo.gl/maps/Mfvnq
Hares: Hand’ersome Pooper, Dr. Whorehammer, Areola Manager
Price: $6 for returners, free for first-timers

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Easter Keg Hash

IMPORTANT – BRING CRANIAL ILLUMINATION or OTHER PORTABLE LIGHT SOURCE AND DRY SHOES!!

Here cums Peter (hehe, I said Peter) Cotton Tail, hashing down the shitty trail. Hippity hoppity beer is on its way!971313_10202856280361207_240577962_n

Yes, Virginia, (oops, wrong Jesus holiday, just go with it, ok?) there will be an Easter Keg Hash. Your very real and special Easter Hares, Titwad and Goesintite will be your hosts. There will be beer, shitty trail, frivolity, beer, bad singing of old worn out hash songs, maybe some green on the trees, probably no snow, beer, prizes!!! (Wooo Hoooo) and, of course, what would the celebration of the rebirth of the Lord Gispert, er Jesus, I mean, be without an Easter Keg Hunt? (don’t say that fast, it could be misconstrued as something entirely different). Location and time are below so shut your pie hole, mmmmm, PIE. And, no, Jesus can’t cum hashing.

IMPORTANT – BRING CRANIAL ILLUMINATION OR OTHER PORTABLE LIGHT SOURCE AND DRY SHOES!! (Don’t say we didn’t warn you – twice!)

Hares: Titwad and Goesentite
Location: Wilson Park, Bedford, IN
Map to location: LINK
Cost: $6 for returners, free if it’s your first time
Time: 4pm

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Rite of Spring Hash

In ancient times, men and women celebrated the vernal equinox—the return of spring—by drinking and carousing themselves into an altered consciousness in honor of Dionysius, the god of fertility and wine. We’re going to do the same (well, the fertility part is up to you) this Saturday, March 29, starting at 4:00PM (NEW TIME! NEW TIME!) from Yellowwood State Forest, in the parking lot for the camp store/playground off the Redbud/White Oak camping area (directions below).
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Your hare will be White Lightning, and the cost for the totally organic trail will be a mere $6, unless you’ve never hashed anywhere before, and then you get in free. You might wanna carpool, since parking spots are kinda limited.

What: Rite of Spring hash
When: 4:00PM! 4:00PM! 4:00PM! On Saturday, March 29. 4:00PM!
What: Beer. Alternative beverages. Shiggy trail. Warm weather. Sweaty hashers. Hawt!
How much: Still $6 cheep for experienced hashers, free for newbies

Directions to the start:
Take Third Street east from campus. Pass College Mall on your right. Keep going straight. From the corner of Clarizz Blvd. and Third Street (the corner with Bloomingfoods), go straight (it’ll turn into Indiana 46) for approximately 10.4 miles. Turn left onto Yellowwood Road, following the sign that directs you to “Yellowwood State Forest.” Follow that road about a mile, then turn left just after the bridge. Follow that road around, and follow the signs to White Oak and/or Redbud campground. Turn left into the White Oak/Redbud campground area, and follow that till you can turn right, then circle around and park at the camp store/playground parking lot. Here’s a map: http://goo.gl/XAqLpr

Here’s another map: http://goo.gl/8JHsvg

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Ides of March Hash

1897827_10202964259123039_1629546205_nBeware the Ides of March

…because it’s supposed to SNOW Wednesday and be back up to 58 Friday! So by Saturday, we’ll be happily hashing in the mud! But no problem, half-minds have old sneakers and those togas are wash and wear.

The Romans celebrated the first two weeks of March as the new year, which is what it feels like around here as the birds are chirping again and we are thawing and waking up from hibernation and starting to vacuum our cars again. In honor of Caesar’s assassination, sport a toga, a wreath or anything that looks like the Star Trek trips to Roman times.

Start: 1001 (West) Winding Way, Bloomington 47404
Map: http://goo.gl/maps/hDtRL
When: Saturday, March 15, 2014 at 3 p.m.
Cost: $6 for Romans (veteran hashers), free for everyone else!

Directions: From downtown, take Kirkwood west to Rogers Road, turn right to go north on Rogers. It will turn into Kinser Pike somewhere past 17th Street. After 45/46, continue one mile north. Cascades municipal Golf Course will be on the right. At around one mile, turn left on Winding Way. Go one and a half residential blocks and look for a white house on the left, corner of Stoneycrest and Winding Way. It is a two-story with red shutters and is dwarfed by a two-story treehouse in the big red maple tree. Park in the driveway or there is plenty of on-street parking.

Everyone has a toga, right? We may even award prizes for most creative use of a bedsheet: http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Toga-out-of-a-Bedsheet

Whatever you wear, please don’t look anything like these sisters: http://www.rachelwilkerson.com/2010/08/30/how-to-make-a-toga/

Hares: Mothershucker will keep a lid on virgin hare Pokey the Magic Starfish’s pointlessly ineffectual exuberant itinerary (through woods, streams, a quarry and pond) and bring us all back to her home, where we’ll drink like Romans.

K-9 FRIENDLY!

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Red Dress Run 2014 now posted!

See Red Dress Run 2014 for more details!

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Mardi Grab-Ass Hash

Hares: ʘ & Circuscision

Attire: Optional [Mardi gras-suitable costumes encouraged]

‘Twas 42 1669725_10152276890352328_2089318656_ohours afore the hash.
The hare’s half-mind began to dash
From beads to cake to flour off-white
But he had yet to compose an invite.

He looked at pictures of New Orleans—
Some beautiful (some disturbing) scenes
Of Mardi gras from years bygone.
But then he thought, “Screw it!” On-On!

Half-minds don’t need a (s)wank invitation.
They just want to know where the hell in creation
They might grab an ass and spy boobies to leer
At and follow some flour ’til they find beer.

So put on a mask and wear a chic dress.
Get ready to be a Mardi grab-ass hot mess!

Who: You!

What: Hash!

Why: Beer!

And cake! (Did somewank say “cake”?!)

When: Saturday, March 1, 3pm

Where: Atwater Garage (*not* the Henderson Grarage—which also happens to be on Atwater—the Atwater Garage at Atwater and Woodlawn)
http://goo.gl/qxrPoc

How much: $6 for experienced masqueraders and panty raiders; Free for those whose panties have yet to be raided.

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The Back 40 Hash

1654154_749584608385339_417698702_nPooper’s 40th! And we’re not talking about the number of hashes he’s hared this year. Celebrate with him, and while you’re at it, explore the urban shiggy of the untamed East Side of Bloomington.

Your hares Blow Blow and Pooper will lead you on a wild and beer soaked adventure. So grab you shiggy socks, your K9 companions if you have them (leashes please!), a virgin or 2 and a thirst for excitement, and get your little tuckus out to the hash.

Saturday Feb 15, 2014 at 3pm
Olcott Park – 2300 E Canada Drive in Bloomington
$6 unless you’re a virgin, free unless you’re not

http://goo.gl/maps/TmwFn

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The Full Moon Valentine’s Hash

1779732_10103819178033469_523622433_nOne evening BUTRz and Screwy were happily skipping down the streets of Bloomington headed to their favorite watering hole when they both had the sad realization that they had lost their hearts along the way, and right before Valentine’s Day, no less. Did they fall out of their pockets? Were they misplaced? Did someone steal them? Come out on this frosty, full moon Valentine’s night and help retrace the steps of your hares, BUTRz and Screw It I’m Wet, in search of their missing hearts. There will be treats, merriment, and maybe other lost hearts along the way. Headlamps recommended.

****IMPORTANT: BRING YOUR ID****

Friday, February 14, 2014
6 pm
$6 for veterans, $0 for virgins
Atlas Ballroom
Map: http://goo.gl/maps/gbZ0b

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The Wild Snow-Hare Hash

1690625_746583672018766_1952668221_nOne of the plenitude of benefits that comes with being a Blooming Fool is the profuse array of shiggy adorning our nearby environs. That is why returners wax rhapsodic when they remember hashes past and yearn for the chance to rekindle the romance of beer down-downed in a sylvan paradise.

So gather ye shiggy trails while ye may, as you never know when the slings and arrows of half-minded fortune may strew our carcasses hither and yon. The once available idyllic fruits of the Southern Indiana karst may be wrested from our grasp and only the ashes of that splendor will remain in our hearts.

So we’re having a wild hare hash on Sunday. Deal with it.

Sunday February 9, 2014
3pm
$6, unless you’re a virgin, then whoopty doo it’s free.
Yellowwood Dam Boat Launch Parking Lot

NOTE: this is NOT the parking lot we usually meet up at Yellowwood, but the one down by the dam. We won’t wait for you if you go to the wrong lot and then text some sad story about skimming the invite.

Map - http://goo.gl/maps/Q6B2W (see, told you it was a different place than you were thinking)

Directions
Take IN-46 east until you reach Yellowwood Rd (sign for Yellowwood State Forest will lead the way)
Turn left to follow the road in the cornfield then left again when you hit the T
Stay on that road by baring right toward the campgrounds
Make the 2nd Left (the first is a residence’s driveway)
Look for hashers, crack a beer, hash, drink, sing, GTFO

See you all there!

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The Wear Red (Not Necessarily A Dress) Hash

hedgehogFebruary is Heart Health Month, the month when we take a moment to thank the second hardest-working organ in our bodies. Your heart beats about 38 million times in a year, give or take a few million extra depending on your love life, and what do you do for your heart in return? Dump trans fats on it and blob out on the couch watching Juan Pablo or Brooke Burke-Charvet, that’s what. Well, not on February 1, dammit! Your hares, Dowelrod and White Lightning, have put together a simply mindboggling (or mindbogglingly simple, actually) hash trail to promote heart health and get you breathing hard for a change. You’re invited to wear red on trail in commemoration of the cardiac theme, but what you wear doesn’t have to be a dress (btw, the Red Dress Hash is April 26th this year! Put it on your calendar now!). And, we’re even going to contribute one dollar to the Scripps Research Institute for each hasher who shows up for trail, in honor of everyone’s ticker. So come out and wear red – your heart will thank you for it.

Then we’ll stuff ourselves with greasy food at the on-after.

What: The Wear Red (Not Necessarily a Dress) Hash
Hares: Dowelrod and White Lightning
Start: Will Detmer Park, 4140 W Vernal Pike, Bloomington
When: 3:00pm, Saturday, February 1
How much: $6 for veteran hashers, free for newbies, cheep as ever

Directions: From the courthouse, take Kirkwood west, which turns into Third Street. After crossing Rogers, turn right at the next stoplight, onto Adams Street. Go about three blocks and turn left onto Vernal Pike. Take Vernal Pike for about eight minutes, crossing 37 in the process, and look for signs for Will Detmer Park on the right. If you hit Curry Pike, you’ve gone too far. Too far!

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