It’s not a Cult! (yes, it’s a hash) – 10/10 @ 4pm

It's not a Cult! (yes, it's a hash)It’s been said that hashing is a cult, but . . . it’s not a cult!

To help you tell the difference between the hash and a cult, here are the eleven signs that you are in a cult, with explanations in parentheses:


1. Mandatory, regular attendance

Mind control techniques and hypnosis don’t last forever, but they don’t have to: All they need is a couple of hours a week to reinforce the training. (Hashes meet every other week, so we’re not a cult.) (OK, sometimes we meet every week. We’re still not a cult.)

2. Hierarchical leadership

Every cult has a hierarchical leadership structure. Many cults won’t allow you to officially join until you undergo a ritual that symbolically changes you from a member of the lost, miserable outsiders into a saved, superior member of the in-crowd. (Wouldn’t happen at a hash. There are no rituals involving sacred beverages and vessels and that sort of rubbish.)

3. Charismatic leaders

The biggest red flag you might be involved with a cult is if the organization revolves around charismatic leaders. (Hashes have no leaders, or at least no one you’d follow down punishing trails to the point of exhaustion and wonder why you’re doing it. Do we?)

4. Trance stimulation

Hymns and chants are common rituals for cults. Combined with the thrill of performing an action in unison with other members of the in-crowd, chanting or singing will work you into a trance state that will make you susceptible to hypnosis. (Of course, the hash doesn’t work anyone into a trance state through chants or songs – then we would be HEADing toward cultdom.)

5. Repetitive drills (and consequences for nonconformity)

In addition to singing, a good cult would require its victims to perform rote physical drills. The moment you participate in a drill you’re being obedient. (OK, hashes might qualify as physical drills, but hey, they start at a different place every time, so they’re not rote. No rote!)

6. Separating the believers (the in crowd) from the non-believers

It’s common practice for cults to tell their recruits that the world can be divided into two kinds of people: those who are inside the group and those who are outside the group. (As if we’d label non-hashers as muggles or something! Who does that? Not us!)

7. The charismatic leader manipulates your emotions

Charismatic leaders will try to mesmerize you with the way they dress and talk. They guilt trip you. They make impossible promises and horrific threats. (The hash wouldn’t pressure anyone into wearing anything out of the ordinary, like dresses, or skirts, or large Viking horns. I think I’ve heard impossible promises from hares before, though…)

8. You’re given an ultimatum

The point of every cult service is to build up to the moment where the charismatic leader makes a call to action. The call for action is to either give money, take your commitment to the cult to the next level, humiliate yourself or at least honor those who do. This is brazen manipulation, and it works. (Wait…at hashes, we do take your money, and we do honor people who humiliate themselves…who wrote this list, anyway?)

9. You’re encouraged to humiliate yourself and mimic others

If a cult leader can convince his flock that he has more spiritual authority than them and they are unworthy, then his control over them is almost guaranteed, Then the followers will have total trust in their leader. (Dang mismanagement! We are unworthy!)

10. Socializing with the in crowd

The trick is to keep your in-group together as much as possible and get them to willfully ostracize themselves from the rest of society as much as possible. (Aren’t we looking for special deals from local restaurants for hash practice? Why can’t we just fit in with society? What’s wrong with us?!?)

11. Recruitment

Cults need a constant stream of new victims. You know what’s going to happen, and it only ends well for the charismatic leader…assuming he doesn’t get too drunk on power and do something crazy. (Drunk? Crazy? New virgins? Er, I mean victims? OH MY GOD, WE ARE A CULT! Get away from me! Help! Aaskljsdsgsd

So, you can clearly see . . . it’s NOT a cult!

Here’s what you need to know for the hash on Saturday:

You might get your feet wet if we decide to bring forth the rain, so bring a change of shoes/socks.

You’ll need cranial illumination when we blot out the sun (weather permitting).

(Seriously, bring a light and dry shoes/socks. Yes, a light for a 4pm hash. You’ve been warned.)

So come drink the Kool-Aid with your hares, Guru White Lightning and Guru Nuns Shall Pass!

Starting from the IU Cyclotron (or whatever it’s called now) parking lot, waaay at the back. $7 for the previously hypnotized, free for first-time ritual victims.

When: Saturday, 10/10 at 4:00pm
Where: IU Cyclotron parking lot (way in the back)
2401 N Milo Sampson Ln, Bloomington, Indiana 47408
How much: $7, virgins are free

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Oktoberfest Bash 10/4 @ 4pm

Oktoberfest BashBreak out your lederunterhosen; it’s time for Oktoberfest!

Your bares, F. Lots Pittsgerald and Hand’ersome Pooper, will take you on a lager-fueled Reise of autumnal Gedenkfeier beginning at Winslow Woods Park. German attire and gear are vorgeschlagen.

Bring: a bike, $6, Oktoberfest themed everything, Jungfrauen (virgins) are free
Expect: beer
Show up at: 4pm, Sontagg (Sunday) Oktober 4, Winslow Woods Park, 2301 S Highland Ave across the strasse from the YMCA

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Superblood Moon hash 9/27 @ 7pm

Superblood Moon hashThere will be a blood moon. There will be a super moon. There will be shiggy. There will beer. Cum. Cum drink beer and hash a shitty trail hared by Spreadsheets to the Wind and Starbust Mammories.

Shiggy socks/pants encouraged; cranial illumination highly encouraged. It’s getting dark earlier wanks; cum prepared.

There are plenty of fool moons, many of the blood variety. But there hasn’t been one like this since 1982 and it won’t happen again until 2033. See the amazingness at and

Appropriately, trail begins at the BLEEDING Heartland Roller Derby Cardiac Arena parking lot.

$7 for those who have bled before.
Free for virgins.

When: Sunday, 9/27 at 7:00 pm
Where: 1801 N Curry Pike, Bloomington, IN 47404

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Barbarian Invasion Hash 9/26 @ 4pm

Barbarian Invasion HashYour hares EweTube and Nordick CreamHorn will lead the half-minds through the shiggy of Morgan-Monroe forest and embark on a quest to find delicious beer.

$7 half-minds, $0 virgins

Driving direction from Bloomington Downtown:

Approx 18 min drive.

1. Take N Walnut St. Drive 3 miles
2. Turn right on N Old State Road 37. Drive 5 miles
3. Turn right on E Anderson Rd. Drive 4.3 miles
4. Turn left on N Bean Blossom Rd. Drive 2 miles
5. Turn left on Forest Rd and parking lot is right around the corner.

Google link:,-86.5335769/39.310771,-86.42826/@39.1800855,-86.5336776,4746m/data=!3m1!1e3!4m2!4m1!3e0

GPS coordinates: 39.310758, -86.428176

When: Saturday, 9/26 @ 4:00

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Ye Ole’ Ritzy Posh Luxurious Bash 9/20 @ 4pm

Ye Ole' Ritzy Posh Luxurious BashBust out your monocles, adorn yourselves with elegant attire, and join your bares Lick Herp Package and CockHome Syndrome for an elegant bash of extravagant proportions!

This posh bash will take you for a leisurely stroll through some of the luxurious and high-class neighborhoods of ye ole’ Bloomington.

Wear something fancy or something without sophistication–either way, we’ll take these ritzy one-percenter neighborhoods by storm!

When: Sunday, 9/20 @ 4pm
Where: Herp’s place, 415 E. Hillside Dr.
How much: $6, virgins are free

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Fuck the New Moon Bash 9/13 @ 6:30pm

Fuck the New Moon BashFuck you! Fuck me! Fuck the moon! Fuck your bike! Fuck the new moon with us this Sunday, starting at 6:30pm and ending late as fuck. Its gonna be shitty and long, so strap on your strapon mother fuckers.

Bring a fucking bike. Bring a fucking light. And maybe a helmet if your liver isn’t feeling that fucking well. Fuck all, on on.

When: Sunday, 9/13 at 6:30pm
Where: Top of 4th street garage in between Walnut and College, Bloomington IN
Who: Bares are Herp, Pitts, and Shart
How much: $6, virgins are free

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Purrrrrrrfect for Pussies hash – 9/12 @ 4pm

Purrrrrrrfect for Pussies hashCockHome Syndrome and Weird Al Spankabitch will be haring a cat-themed hash! This is your chance to dress up like all college girls on Halloween…as a sexy cat!

Just as we know that some hashers are turkeys and some are eagles, in the famous words of legendary swim coach Bill Boomer, some athletes are more like cats, while some need to be trained like dogs. “I look at athletes in how they interact with the environment via the nervous system and I call it cats and dogs. A cat in the natural world lives, exists in that world, survives in that world in a totally different way than the dog does. The dog runs down their prey, they work hard and accomplish what their goals are in a pack. They are successful through work and volume. The cats burn really hot- after they have a short fast burn they may need 3 or 4 hours before they can work again.”

Whether you consider yourself a cat or a dog, we guarantee a good time….or at least some beer…

This is a cat friendly event, and while I suppose we’ll allow dog friendly folks, no actual dogs allowed. But, if you have trained your cats to go on walks, then please show off your awesome pussy!

Old cats: $7 hash cash
Virgin kitties: FREE

When: Saturday, 9/12 at 4:00 pm
Where: RCA Park, 1400 W RCA Park Drive, 47403

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Boob Service Hash!

Boob Service Hash!There will be Boobs! You will be Serviced!

Yes you’ve beered there bewhore! You probably came many many times! (I hope.) And if you didn’t then make sure you cum this time!! B/c why not?? Your naughty hares will do their very very best to make sure you get serviced in that long, hard, wet way you’ve cum to expect.

Do we promise it will be better than any t(r)ail you’ve ever laid or followed!? Well that depends on how many times you’ve cum! And remember – it’s not the size of the trail that counts or from wench it began, it’s the BEER.

Where to cum? Olcott Park <map>
When do you want to cum? Saturday, 8/29 at 4:00 PM
Will there be BEER?? Yes
Will there be t(r)ail? Much like you’ve cum to expect
How much? $7 for those already serviced, $0 for virgins!

Who are your hares? Boobs on Ice (the musical?), Womb Service, and Just Thomas

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Generic August Fool Moon Hash Announcement

Generic hashWhen: Friday, 8/28 at 7pm
What: Generic Fool Moon Hash
Where: Generic parking lot at the west end of Rev. Ernest D. Butler Park <map>
Why: Generic Beer
How much: $7 (for Generic Wankers); Free (for Generic Virgins)
Generic Hares: Circuscision and Starbust Mammaries

Generic shit just got real. Your hares Circuscision and Starbust Mammaries will lead you gently, trippingly from the wide open spaces of Rev. Ernest D. Butler Park through the Wild Wild Near West Side through areas known and unknown, hashed and unhashed (at least not by either of your trusty hares!).

Shiggy socks are recommended but not entirely necessary (no cuts on Circus, but that may have been an accident). Cranial illumination may be desirable but is also probably not necessary.

So cum join us on our decreasingly generic Fool Moon excursion for a brief but beery good time. On-On!

p.s. – If all goes well, we’ll be finishing up right around the start of the Movie in the (Rev. Ernest D. Butler) Park, coordinated by none other than our very own Handersome Pooper. So bring a blanket and experience Groundhog’s Day all over again all over again.

Note from the hares:
Shiggy socks and cranial illumination are strongly recommended.
your hares.

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The Bushwackiest Bushwhacking Bash Ever

Whack away, fellow bashers! This shig-tastic bash (weather permitting) will take you on a spirit journey to a bountiful spring of spirits and other shitty libations. You’d be a square to pass this one up!

Trail will be (mainly) road bike friendly–socks of the shiggy variety would be ideal though.

Virgins are free–those broken in better cough up $6 upon arrival.

—Lick Herp Package

When: Sunday, 8/23 at 4pm
Where: 415 E. Hillside Dr, 47401

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