As announced at yesterday’s hash, it’s erection season at the Blooming Fools — time to nominate and vote to give a new bunch of mismanagement wankers the opportunity to run the hash into the ground. Here are the mismanagement positions up for grabs (no, not missionary, doggy and cowgirl! Geez!):
Joint Masters: This pair of wanks basically run the joint. They make sure we have enough hares, they make sure trails happen, they put out fires, they spearhead (spearhead? Who said spearhead?) planning for special hashes, they run circle if the RA is absent, they hare in case of emergency hare pullout, they do everything if someone else isn’t doing it, etc. etc. What the Joint Masters say goes, until the pack gives them a bunch of crap and they fold like a bad poker hand. Best for the aspiring autocrat, hair-trigger Eagle Scouts, or the terminally confused.
On Sec: This wank keeps the hash list, recording who’s at every hash and who hared. He/she also updates the website with hash directions/event details, takes minutes at mismanagement meetings, and records the basics about every hash, such as who hared, where it started/ended, number of casualties, number of police called to circle, and so on. Best for unemployed creative writing majors, convicted academic plagiarists, or the terminally confused.
Religious Adviser: This sanctimonious wanker runs circle, keeping the increasingly inebriated attendees entertained through startlingly fascinating repartee or the occasional flash of skin. He/she also introduces songs to the circle (our goal: learning six actual hash songs, each having more than three words, by 2020!), attends mismanagement meetings, helps plan analversary and other special hashes, and other duties as assigned by the shirking Joint Masters. Best for show choir alumni, closet game show hosts, or the terminally confused.
Haberdasher: This mismanager plans, designs and markets (at hashes) BFH3 apparel and gifts for special hashes, regular hashes, and for the general hell of it. He/she also helps design extra goodies for special hashes, like Jingle Balls and Red Dress. Frequently takes bribes. Best for Rauschenberg groupies, aging Deadheads, or the terminally confused.
Beermeister: This is the most important position of all mismanagement — the person who makes sure beer gets to the hash. He/she doesn’t have to attend every hash, but can farm out much of the beer-purchasing duties to hares/helpers. If you have ever complained about the beer choices at a hash, now is your time. NOW IS YOUR TIME! Best for cooking-reality-show also-rans, pretentious beer snobs, or the terminally confused.
That’s it! Honestly, despite all the rubbish written above, you should run for something or nominate somebody else because helping make the hash happen is some of the most fun you or your nominee will ever have.
Send your nominations to Biblio (Bibliosex@gmail.com) or Mothershucker (Mothershuckerbfh3@gmail.com) by 11:59 pm on June 7 (the day before the next hash), and we’ll vote on who’ll be running the 2013-2014 Blooming Fools at circle of the next hash. The newly elected wanks will help plan Analversary, and their first day of real duty will be the Sunday of Analversary (which, as you know, is taking place this year from August 9 to 11 in Brown County State Park — check bfh3.com for details).
Nominate whoever you think will do a good job: Yourself, your best hash buddy, someone you’ve seen in circle who you think is hot, whoever. Just send nominations to Biblio and Mothershucker, and mismanagement will contact the nominees to gain their permission or blackmail them into running for office.
Remember, nominate early and often. ON ON to another great year of the BFH3!
