“Tomorrow must be Thursday,” said Circus to himself, sinking low over his beer. “I never could get the hang of Thursdays.” Circus had a tremendous propensity for getting lost when hashing. This was largely because of his “Zen” method of navigation, which was simply to find any harriette that looked as if she knew where she was going and follow her. The results were more often surprising than successful, but he felt it was worth it for the sake of the few occasions when it was both.
So as he set out to design a trail for Thursday’s Wild Hare, Circus turned to recent Hare School graduate Octopussy for some half-minded advice and assistance. Octopussy informed him that a common mistake that hares make when trying to design a trail to be completely BloomingFoolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete BloomingFools. “There is an art, or rather, a knack to haring,” said Octopussy. “The knack lies in learning how to throw flour at a visible place on the ground and miss.”
But why would Circus and Octopussy even bother with a Thursday Wild Hare? Here’s why. You sass that hoopy No Dong and Thanks for all the Fish? There’s a frood who really knows where her whistle is.
(Sass: know, be aware of, meet, have sex with; hoopy: really together harriette; frood: really amazingly together harriette.)
But that hoopy frood is skipping town on Friday for a summer of debauchery with kennels in Amsterdam and points East where she may imbibe vast quantities of Wank’s Spirit. Wank’s Spirit is a rather potent alcoholic beverage, and is used heavily in drinking games that are played in the Dutch kennels, as immortalized in that ancient Dutch hashing song:
“Oh don’t give me no more of that Old Wank’s Spirit
No, don’t you give me no more of that Old Wank’s Spirit
For my head (wsh?) will fly, my tongue will lie, my eyes will fry and I may die
Won’t you pour me one more of that sinful Old Wank’s Spirit?”
So you just come along with us and have a good time. The hash is a fun place. You’ll need to have this fish in your ear. If you’re lucky, you may see some half-mind misinterpret a check as requiring a surprisingly sophisticated attempt to do a double-backwards-somersaul
But Don’t Panic. This hash will be Mostly Harmless.
Hares: Circuscision and Octopussy
Where: Rev. Ernest D. Butler Park (9th Street Park)
When: Thursday June 19 at 7pm
How much: $6 for experienced Ditch-Hikers; Free for first-time BloomingFroods
Remember to bring a cup for your Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters (beer) and Jinantonix (beer)
