Primeval hasher George Bailey: [on Mary being caught naked in the bushes after her robe slips off] This is a very interesting situation!
Mary: Please give me my robe.
George Bailey: A man doesn’t get in a situation like this every day.
Mary: I’d like to have my robe.
George Bailey: Not in Bedford Falls anyway.
Mary: [after the bushes’ thorns starting hurting her] Ouch! Oh!
George Bailey: Gezundheit.
Mary: George Bailey!
George Bailey: Inspires a little thought!
Mary: Give me my robe.
George Bailey: I’ve read about things like this.
Mary: Shame on you! I’m going to tell your mother on you.
George Bailey: Well, my mother is way up on the corner.
Mary: I’ll call the police!
George Bailey: Well, they’re all the way downtown. They’d be on my side.
Mary: Then I’ll scream!
George Bailey: Maybe I can sell tickets.
On December 6, 1853, Bing Crosby wrote “Twas the Night Before Jingle Balls” for Coca-Cola, and the modern holiday season was born. To mark the occasion, we’ll be reveling and wassailing our (jingle) balls off at the 18th annual Blooming Fools Jingle Balls Hash, starting (trail) at 2pm and starting (party) at 7pm on Saturday, December 6, 2014.
Charlie Brown: Look, let’s rehearse the scene at the inn. Frieda…
Frieda: I can’t go on, there’s too much shiggy. It’s taking the curl out of my naturally curly hair.
Charlie Brown: Don’t think of it as shiggy. Think of it as maybe the soil of some great past civilization. Maybe the shiggy of ancient Babylon. It staggers the imagination. He may be carrying flour that was followed by Solomon, or even Nebuchudnezzar.
Pig-Pen: Sort of makes you want to treat me with more respect, doesn’t it?
Frieda: You’re an absolute mess. Just look at yourself.
Pig-Pen: [looks at himself in Frieda’s mirror and smiles] On the contrary, I didn’t think I looked THAT good.
What? You’ve never been to a Blooming Fools Jingle Balls before? Well, pull up a snowball and we’ll tell you all about it. The festivities start at 2pm, with a reindeer games trail hared by Psychedelic “Shermy” Cumfountain and Untouched “Schroeder” Private Panther. Then, after a super-festive circle, we’ll reconvene at Mama Said Pop You Out’s place for the Jingle Balls Ball, a formal hash occasion featuring food, music, fabulous commemorative goodies, beverages (of course), and the legendary Blooming Fools White Elephant Gift Exchange. Bring a hash gift, take a hash gift! We recommend that if you buy something new, you spend around $10 – but be creative! And remember, it’s for a hasher, so think about what hashers like!
George Bailey: What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon, Mary.
Mary: I’ll take it. Then what?
George Bailey: Well, then you can swallow it, and it’ll all dissolve, see… and the moonbeams would shoot out of your fingers and your toes and the ends of your hair… am I drinking too much?
How much will all this cost me, you ask?
From 12:00am, Sunday, November 30 through 11:59pm, Friday, December 5:
The whole shebang (trail and party): $30.
Just the Jingle Balls Ball (party): $25 (including goodie, if you act now).
Just trail, it’s the regular $6, but no goodies for you! Except maybe a rock.
On the day of Jingle Balls, Saturday, December 6:
The whole shebang (trail and party): $35.
Just the Jingle Balls Ball (party): $30 (including goodie, if you act now).
Just trail, it’s the regular $6, but no goodies for you! Except still a rock. And some gravel before we run out.
To register, visit this link today! Right now!: REGISTER HERE
Lucy Van Pelt: Snoopy, you’ll have to be all the animals in our play. Can you be a sheep?
Lucy Van Pelt: How about a cow?
Lucy Van Pelt: How about a penguin?
[Snoopy waddles like a penguin]
Lucy Van Pelt: Yes, he’s even a good penguin.
[Snoopy then fights like a boxer and jumps on Lucy’s head, acting like a vulture]
Lucy Van Pelt: [throwing Snoopy off her head] No, no, no!
[Snoopy starts mocking Lucy]
Lucy Van Pelt: Listen, all of you! You’ve got to take direction! You’ve got to have discipline! You’ve got to have respect for your director!
Lucy Van Pelt: I oughta slug you!
[Snoopy licks her face]
Lucy Van Pelt: Ugh! I’ve been kissed by a hasher! I have hasher germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!
[Snoopy sticks out his tongue]
The trail start is still to be determined, but here are directions to the Jingle Balls Ball, starting at 7:00pm: Location is 3888 N. Upper Birdie Galyan Road, east of Bloomington. Take IN45 (10th Street) east from Bloomington to Mt Gilead Road. Then take Mt Gilead Road to Upper Birdie Galyan and turn right, then make an immediate left onto the gravel drive. About 1/4 mile down the gravel drive the road will split – stay right. There is parking, but not acres of it, so carpooling is strongly strongly strongly encouraged. As are designated drivers, because we’re cool.
“Look, Charlie, let’s face it. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.” – Lucy Van Pelt
For more information, email Handersome Pooper at email@example.com, or White Lightning at firstname.lastname@example.org. And remember, just replying to the Facebook page isn’t enough — you’ve got to register and pay via the Paypal link to get in, or pay the joint masters at the next hash.
On Jingle On!