Blooming Fools Hash House Harriers

The full moon is falling on Thanksgiving-Eve this month!

In celebration, The Love Butt, Psychedelic Cum Fountain, and PH cum together in a forbidden three-way to bring you a Fool Moon hash mini-event not to be missed! Join us for a Fool Moon turkey-riffic hash, followed by a good old-fashioned weenie-roast at Woolery Stone Mill, all for the low-low price of $10!

We wankers of BFH3 have much to be thankful for this year. We are thankful for beer. And orange food. And the half-minds who make hashing so fun. And the townies among us may even be thankful to have some old buddies and reluctant but bored family members back in town to drag along with them to the hash!

But most of all, we are thankful that some wank who isn’t us is busy making our Thanksgiving dinner, so we can go hashing instead of wasting away over a hot stove!

You will need: Cranial illumination or a flashlight, shiggy socks, camp chair, and $10 ($7 hash only) for experienced turkeys. Virgins free or $3 if they stay for on-after.

We will provide: Trail, beer for hashing and on-after, hot dogs, buns, roasting forks, s’mores, plates/napkins/etc, fire & fire wood, awesome rustic scenery

When: Wednesday, 11/25 at 7:00pm – 10:00pm
Where: Woolery Mill 2200 Kegg Rd, Bloomington IN 47403
How Much: $7, free for virgins + $3 for on-after (experienced or virgin)

Join your high-class hares PH and GoesInTite at a BFH3 hash MOST genteel and refreshing! These distinguished current and former BFH3 nobility have made arrangements to entertain only the most sophisticated of wankers at that epoch of outdoor culture and refinement, Sculpture Trails Outdoor Museum!

Cum and join us in a dignified romp through the hills of Solsberry Indiana, wherein an elite group of the most illustrious Bloomington-area art-lovers and craft beer enthusiasts will gather to celebrate their mutual appreciation of sculpture, fermented brew, and tangerine-hued victuals!

Top hats, monocles, and other formalwear as deemed befitting a true aristocrat encouraged and possibly rewarded. Ensure your warmth and comfort during our closing ceremonies by making preparations for chill and darkness, as the sun sinks low quite early this time of year!

Established aristocrats $7, free admission for aspirational aristocrats (virgins).

When: Saturday, 11/21 at 3:00 PM
Where: Sculpture Trails Outdoor Museum – 6764 N Tree Farm Rd,                          Solsberry, Indiana 47459
How Much: $7, free for virgins

This half-minded group has a family tree so long and sorted, who wouldn’t get confused? So much incest…it is best…Such debauchery! Come follow a long-time Bloomingfool tradition and join the saga of the Hash of the Titans. What is the HOTT? We have no idea, but it usually involves some sort of contest, prizes, and (most importantly) Mustaches….oh, and Beer. Did you miss the last three sagas? You can read the myth, and become a part of the Legend!

Epic One…a long cold trudge through the up downs in the sweet and sour Lake Lemon. A battle was waged. A smooth Celtic stout took the crown from the Blue Ribbon favorite. Trail was marked in blood colored flour…Viking horns were given… Everyone dressed as warm as they could, they were still cold and wet at the end…There were mustaches.

Epic Two…Sycamore Land Trust and board walks were the terrain…a battle of the Americas took place where Negro Modelo destroyed the frosty blue crispness from the Canadians (there was actually an American microbrew that won…but we don’t remember what it was.) People wore costumes…it was a gorgeous day….There were mustaches.

Epic Three…It was at McCorrmick’s Creek… I think there were vikings… At that point, the theme was kinda out the window… Except mustaches.

Your hares, Maliblow Classic and Souzie Bee Stroke Her invite you to join them for a long-overdue clash of themes and facial hair comfort. This Saturday go to McCorrmick’s Creek State Park (You all have the skills needed to find your way there.) Find the wanks parked in the lot at the DEER RUN SHELTER (keep going right and find the signs, or follow the On On sticker on the car in front of you)…pay nothing if you are a virgin (Don’t worry, you will be sacrificed) $7 if you plan to take part in sacrificing those virgins to r*n our trail. Be there by hash time…you know, 3ish

Be a part of the new Saga that we will forget…There will be beer …McCormick’s Creek is awesome (it also costs to get it…so carpool …there might be blood…wear a toga for no particular reason (we are all hoping for nudity, though), expect…Mustaches!!!

(Sidenote: My neighbors have been having really vocal sex while I was writing this…I’ve been envisioning them wearing togas & mustaches…seems like they aren’t virgins any longer…They’ll have to pay $7)

When: Saturday, 11/7 at 3:00pm
Where: McCormick’s Creek State Park (carpool leaving North Marsh parking lot at 2:30)
How Much: $7, free for virgins

Your Hares: I Kinsey UR Butthole, Kegelator, Eh, Rough Sextimate (note TWO virgin hares)

Cost: SEE “COST” BELOW

We will hare a turkey/eagle style trail and pub crawl (YES, it can be done) to satisfy walkers and r**ners alike. And………………..WAIT FOR IT………….
you get to wear a PINK DRESS!!!

Bring a cranium lamp, your fancy pink gown and ask your friends to donate to support your trail and your cause!

October is breast cancer awareness month and since my father is a breast cancer survivor it seemed like a fun idea to do a fundraiser. COST-We are asking that you donate to the fundraiser (in the form of a rego) and we’ll pub crawl to some places with good Tuesday night specials for the beer. Prelube and trail beer will not come from the rego money. There will also be no official on-after. Kinsey will donate her beer money to the kennel and provide some beer for circle. Your donated money will stay local and go to the Olcott Center as below:

The Olcott Center Girlfriend Fund provides special projects and emergency funds for individuals with cancer and their families. This fund is administered generously to support both female and male patient’s individual needs as they battle cancer. Items this
fund provides include:

• Funding for medically related items and services not covered by insurance or governmental assistance,
• Wigs for those in need,
• Funding for childcare
• Funding for transportation, and
• Special services for terminally ill patients and their families.

Donations to Bloomington Hospital Foundation, PO Box 1149, Bloomington, IN 47402. Thank you very much for making this lasting investment in the well-being of our community knowing your support stays local.

When: Tuesday, 10/27 at 7:00pm
Where: 4th Street Parking Garage (behind Atlas)

[N.B. – See below re: THE HASH WILL START AT 3PM!!!]

Does a bear shit in the woods? Who knows. There aren’t any bears in southern Indiana anymore. But there are beery wanks aplenty. Is a beer drunk in the woods? Do we even need to answer that question? No. No, we do not. We need to demonstrate it with abandon. And what better time and place than prime leaf season at Brown County State Park. So bring your cameras, your appreciation for natural beauty, and your appetite for beer as we traipse through hill and dale, whetting our whistles (and checking them, too).

Gear up to beer up! In addition to whistles, shiggy socks are recommended.

And because it’s getting dark at ever earlier hours in them thar woods, the hash will start at 3pm. Let me repeat that: THE HASH WILL START AT 3PM!!! Be there or be sober!

N.B. – Because it’s prime leaf season, everywank and her sister, brother, uncle, and 3rd nephew twice removed wants to see them at Brown County State Park. So plan accordingly. Assume that it will take ***at least ten minutes*** to get from the park gate to the BCSP Nature Center, whence we’ll set forth on our Colorful Beery Adventure®.

N.B.B. – Expect the usual stupid Indiana State Park entry fee ($7 per vehicle—$9 for out-of-state tags). Carpooling with wanks in possession of park passes is encouraged.

Hare: Circuscision
Start Location: Brown County State Park Nature Center <map>
Start time: THE HASH WILL START AT 3PM!!!
Cost: $7 for wanks jaded to beautiful fall colors; free for those who have yet to let us see their true colors shining through.

Mother Shucker and Gaelic Pasties are baring again!

We’re gearing up for a wild ride through the wonderful city of Bloomington if for nothing else than to transport large loads of beer from one side of the city to another. Why else?

What: Wild Bares Bash
When: Saturday October 18 at 2:00pm
Where: North Shelter at Bryan Park
How much: $6. Bring virgins. They’re free.
Why: We haven’t drank enough yet.

It’s been said that hashing is a cult, but . . . it’s not a cult!

To help you tell the difference between the hash and a cult, here are the eleven signs that you are in a cult, with explanations in parentheses:

1. Mandatory, regular attendance

Mind control techniques and hypnosis don’t last forever, but they don’t have to: All they need is a couple of hours a week to reinforce the training. (Hashes meet every other week, so we’re not a cult.) (OK, sometimes we meet every week. We’re still not a cult.)

2. Hierarchical leadership

Every cult has a hierarchical leadership structure. Many cults won’t allow you to officially join until you undergo a ritual that symbolically changes you from a member of the lost, miserable outsiders into a saved, superior member of the in-crowd. (Wouldn’t happen at a hash. There are no rituals involving sacred beverages and vessels and that sort of rubbish.)

3. Charismatic leaders

The biggest red flag you might be involved with a cult is if the organization revolves around charismatic leaders. (Hashes have no leaders, or at least no one you’d follow down punishing trails to the point of exhaustion and wonder why you’re doing it. Do we?)

4. Trance stimulation

Hymns and chants are common rituals for cults. Combined with the thrill of performing an action in unison with other members of the in-crowd, chanting or singing will work you into a trance state that will make you susceptible to hypnosis. (Of course, the hash doesn’t work anyone into a trance state through chants or songs – then we would be HEADing toward cultdom.)

5. Repetitive drills (and consequences for nonconformity)

In addition to singing, a good cult would require its victims to perform rote physical drills. The moment you participate in a drill you’re being obedient. (OK, hashes might qualify as physical drills, but hey, they start at a different place every time, so they’re not rote. No rote!)

6. Separating the believers (the in crowd) from the non-believers

It’s common practice for cults to tell their recruits that the world can be divided into two kinds of people: those who are inside the group and those who are outside the group. (As if we’d label non-hashers as muggles or something! Who does that? Not us!)

7. The charismatic leader manipulates your emotions

Charismatic leaders will try to mesmerize you with the way they dress and talk. They guilt trip you. They make impossible promises and horrific threats. (The hash wouldn’t pressure anyone into wearing anything out of the ordinary, like dresses, or skirts, or large Viking horns. I think I’ve heard impossible promises from hares before, though…)

8. You’re given an ultimatum

The point of every cult service is to build up to the moment where the charismatic leader makes a call to action. The call for action is to either give money, take your commitment to the cult to the next level, humiliate yourself or at least honor those who do. This is brazen manipulation, and it works. (Wait…at hashes, we do take your money, and we do honor people who humiliate themselves…who wrote this list, anyway?)

9. You’re encouraged to humiliate yourself and mimic others

If a cult leader can convince his flock that he has more spiritual authority than them and they are unworthy, then his control over them is almost guaranteed, Then the followers will have total trust in their leader. (Dang mismanagement! We are unworthy!)

10. Socializing with the in crowd

The trick is to keep your in-group together as much as possible and get them to willfully ostracize themselves from the rest of society as much as possible. (Aren’t we looking for special deals from local restaurants for hash practice? Why can’t we just fit in with society? What’s wrong with us?!?)

11. Recruitment

Cults need a constant stream of new victims. You know what’s going to happen, and it only ends well for the charismatic leader…assuming he doesn’t get too drunk on power and do something crazy. (Drunk? Crazy? New virgins? Er, I mean victims? OH MY GOD, WE ARE A CULT! Get away from me! Help! Aaskljsdsgsd

So, you can clearly see . . . it’s NOT a cult!

Here’s what you need to know for the hash on Saturday:

You might get your feet wet if we decide to bring forth the rain, so bring a change of shoes/socks.

You’ll need cranial illumination when we blot out the sun (weather permitting).

(Seriously, bring a light and dry shoes/socks. Yes, a light for a 4pm hash. You’ve been warned.)

So come drink the Kool-Aid with your hares, Guru White Lightning and Guru Nuns Shall Pass!

Starting from the IU Cyclotron (or whatever it’s called now) parking lot, waaay at the back. $7 for the previously hypnotized, free for first-time ritual victims.

When: Saturday, 10/10 at 4:00pm
Where: IU Cyclotron parking lot (way in the back)
2401 N Milo Sampson Ln, Bloomington, Indiana 47408 <map>
How much: $7, virgins are free